more often than not

I find myself in this place searching for the more? Last week a good friend randomly asked me what was the purpose of the human existence? immediately I responded, to love. There wasn't even a thought about it, it was so automatic. So after this interaction, it has led me to this place again. what does love look like? what does it look like to the corner homeless guy on hollywood blvd and kingsley? what does it look like to the iranian man who owns the corner market? what does it look like to my friend who is letting me live with her for the time being? what does it look like to my family? what does it look like to the girl who is a dancer for a living? to the man who walks his dog everyday, at the same time, doing the same things day after day? what does it look like? Is it fundamentally the same to everyone? what does it look like to God? have you ever thought about that? to love him? what does that look like? and is it ultimately satisfying? when the world has so much to offer you, does his love weigh out any temptations that may-be before you? This week has been the first week since ive been back in LA where I have had nothing to do, im not working and all my friends are busy. Its been a very low key week. Its left me with lots of thoughts that have been written on my heart that I have tried to erase, good and bad. The silence has been louder than any music in a hollywood night club. At first, it made me uncomfortable, I found myself scrambling to find anything to do, txting everyone I know, on facebook constantly, emailing, anything to get the silence to go away that opened the vortex in my heart and spirit. But after a few days, I started to embrace the uncomfortableness of silence and start to ask the questions, what about this silence is so unappealing? Well, because I have to look in a mirror and ask myself, are you doing what you were created to do, who you were created to be? Are you loving, and loving well? not only others but yourself, and God? Questions, all these questions... at the end of the day all I can do is my very best giving 150%. trust that God will show up and His love will transform me to love others the way they need to be loved in the moment that I am with them. Hopefully, LOVE, the thing i believe humans were created for, what I was created for, in the end, it will change me, and change the world..

25 not so random things about me

1. The things I love change on a daily basis, but when I'm loving what I'm loving, I'm really loving it. Don't you love that?!?!

2. I'm convinced that sugar is possibly the worst thing you could ever put in your body.... but i eat it everyday and cant seem to stop.

3.I don't mind being wrong... because anything other than spiritual issues I usually am wrong.. haha

4.My favorite foods are greek and indian, but if i had to choose a food to eat everyday it would be mexican

5.My favorite flavor of ice cream is cookies n cream loaded.....

6. I love Justin Timberlake, Brittney Spears, Backstreet Boys, Nsync, Prince and Michael Jackson and not ashamed about it... what NOW?!?!

7.If I could do anything and get paid for it, I'd be a professional hip hop dancer.

8. I hate cold weather... I absolutely think it is from lucifer himself.

9. If I could be any animal I would be a tiger, lion, or elephant... haha.. or maybe an eagle.... no wait ... I'd be an otter.... actually, I dont know what I'd be.

10. I am often indecisive but only on things that aren't important.

11. Im wondering if I will make it to #25...?!?!?!

12. I have pretty feet and hands... so I've been told.

13. I often have my very own dance parties by myself.... its so much fun!!!

14. I am a make-up artist but wear as little makeup as possible when possible.

15. I am a twin... and no we aren't identical, my twin is a male.... His name is Matthew.

16. Also my older brothers are twins as well, and they are identical.

17. I think my mom is one of the most AMAZING women I know, how could she not be, i mean I'm a product of her.... also my sister is pretty amazing as well...

18. I lived in Africa, went to iris mission school but never went to class...

19. I am often considered the rebel christian (" in the christian legalistic world") who is wild and free and I LOVE IT!!! Just proves how amazing and fun God is.

20. My favorite place I have ever been is London.

21. I don't care about being cool, although I am.... I can't help it, it just comes naturally. hahaha and i think Im possibly one of the funniest people ever.

22. my only transportation is a scooter... or the bus... I opt the scooter

23. I believe music is the one universal thing in life that alters any atmosphere, (obviously besides God)

24. I love my single life.. although one day I would like to get married...but right now being single is so much fun!!!

25. I love the sun and being outside.... parks, grass and trees are my friends!!

What if?

I am so thankful for my life. I feel so richly blessed. Of course all is not the exact way that I would have it, but it is on its way, and I am thankful. I am thankful to a very good God. I am thankful for love. love is such a beautiful thing, it's offer is endless, it has no limits. Think about that, love has no limits. Love will go as far, as wide, as deep as you will let it. It has no capacity limits. Whoa!!! That is really crazy to think about. The only person that stops love is yourself. Even if someone doesn't receive it, you don't have to stop loving, the love doesn't have to stop!!! That is craziness. That is God. His love is endless. No limit. NO LIMITS. You see as humans we limit our love because it's conditional. " I'll love you if you love me back, I'll love you if you don't hurt me,If you keep me safe, if you keep your promises, if, if, if,..." so because we think like that, our love has conditions, it has limits, it has boundaries. But what if we loved like God does, how we were intended to love, as being human was suppose to be? What if I loved you regardless of how much you hurt me, what if I loved you regardless of wether you loved me back, what if I loved you regardless of wether you kept your word, what if I loved you through the wounding, the beatings( of the heart) the heartache, what if I just LOVED? What if as " Christians" this really was our M/O. What if?

Dream a little dream with me.... Let's go down this road... Let's meditate on all that is true, all that is noble, all that is right, all that is pure, all that is lovely, all that is admirable, all that is excellent of praiseworthy, let's start here.... Let's start at the very basic level. When you focus on the good, love becomes such a natural process of purifying all that is not love! I mean if you do this first thing in the morning, it just sets your day off right, in order. When you concentrate on love, on all those things that are listed above, how can you not be filled with love, that overflows onto other people, how could it not be contagious? things will come up eventually, such as if there is any unforgiveness in your heart, you will need to deal with, love and forgiveness go hand in hand. I often think about a scene in the movie "Elizabeth" with Cate Blanchett, when they have gone to war, and she has locked up the one guy she loved because he betrayed her, and they needed everyone to fight so she says "free him" and her chief commander, says" but your majesty, he is a traitor" she drops to her knees and says " he is forgiven, he is forgiven, because I too long to be forgiven"
That is such a powerful line, forgive because you too long to be forgiven, what a concept! Seems so simple but so powerful. So as we are journeying back to being human, as was intended, we focus on love and forgive who needs to be forgiven. There is freedom in both. You will feel lighter. Jesus said my yolk is easy and my burden is light, why do you think that is so? Because He lived out of a place of love and constant forgiveness.... That was HIS M/O. That should be ours as well....

its official

Its official, Im moving back to LA. I couldn't be more excited and scared all at the same time. I had asked Holy Spirit to speak to me about LA last night and often, one of the ways I feel that God speaks to me is thru songs, so this morning, I woke with the one line of a song in my head,

la la la la la, means I love you

and as we all know that LA is often referred to as LaLa land, I took that as, go get'm tiger.

I will let nothing stand in my way of what I am called to do and the influence I know that I will have on this world. My platform has always been a large one. So again as I journey with God, I am stepping out in faith. I forgot how invigorating it is to follow God and step out, It makes me feel alive again. I have his promises ya know, and I believe, I have faith. I can't wait to see what happens.

One thing that I have learned is this, if you arent scared even a tiny bit, its prolly not God. haha. Its natural to have some fear, but its more natural to let love and faith rule your heart. I will choose it everytime. faith... yeh, faith. Sounds familiar, I like that..., yeh I think I'll stick with that. I believe, thats righteousness and that keeps me close to God, so Im gonna stick with that.

2012. year of fulfillment

When Esther was being prepared to marry the king, she went thru a year preparation time. The first 6 months were a time of myrrh. Myrrh was a oil that was used for healing the body, it actually went down to cellular level and started a healing process. After the 6 months of healing she went thru 6 months of pampering. Myrrh was still used but there was more focus on the perfumes and other oils. She was to be presented to the king "spotless, free of blemish". I feel like I have been on this journey for the last 6 months of serious inner healing. I feel like I have started a journey that most are not willing to go on because it is so painful. Healing isn't the most fun but the most needed to have fun. I have been emmersed with myrrh in this last season, I know that there is still healing that needs to be done, but i also know that I am coming into my pampering season as well. I believe that this is what God is wanting to do. He is wanting to do it on a corporate level because its about to happen in our nation and we have to be ready. We have to be healed. One of the reasons that we can not go after our healing is because of lies that we have come into agreement with. And if we are not believing the truth, we are believing lies which is agreement with unbelief. The children of israel were not allowed to enter into the promise land because of unbelief. Its says (paraphrase) that "because you did not believe you could not enter" then it says " your sin has kept you from entering". So what was the sin? Unbelief. and unbelief is fear, and fear is lies. the promise land had their healings, the land of milk and honey. the promise land is your ' career, talent, gift, annointing, whatever you wanna call it" But before we can get there we have to come out of the agreement with the lies so we can get healed and walk into the promise land.

i missed you today

im on this road, im far away
im sitting here, i cannot stay
to many things are on my mind
concentration is to hard to find
i want to live out loud
verbally im crowded

here it goes
i missed you today
the warmth of your smile
the light in your eyes
the truth that out weighs the lies
if i could tell you
if you could hear
youre far away
i missed you today

it wasnt suppose to look like this
what ive been told
ignorance isnt always bliss
its all coming out
its not sweet, its bitter
this silent shout
of telling you

i missed you today
the warmth of your smile
the light in your eyes
the truth that out weighs the lies
if i could tell you
if you could hear
your far away
i missed you today

will it ever be what it looked like before
can it be simple, or a closed door
the old is new
this is heavy not knowing you
a hushed cry deep inside
is silently screaming
what i cannot hide

i missed you today
the warmth of your smile
the light in your eyes
the truth that out weighs the lies
if i could tell you
if you could hear
youre far away
i missed you today

change...

is inevitable. And boy how does it change so fast!!! well, i guess only change is the only thing that is consistent. All I can do is hope :)))