love, death, and everything in between

My life seems to be one big canvas to paint on. If I don't like what's going on it can always be painted over. That's the beauty of grace. It does seem like I'm starting to like what is being painted tho, in the beginning it didn't seem very pretty, the futher I get to the finished product it seems that by looking upon it I can see what the outcome might be. Maybe not every detail but definetly the bigger picture.

This last month has been very crucial to what God is doing in my life and who He is made me to be. Anyone who knows me, knows that Love is what I want my life to be founded on and is what I work towards becoming, its no secret. In this journey of living a life of love to the best of my abilities has become quite the challenge. I have been fortunate enough to be exposed, have learned and have been given the tools to do a life of deep love, relationship, and community. Its been pretty easy in the past. My surroundings would call for people who view relationships the same way and value them in the same way, never having to work as hard because a foundation for this type of lifestyle had already been laid. So the challenge has been: when I am surrounded by people in a city that is single minded (self-centered), a culture that is entirely devoted to being all about themselves, and only out to love themselves, although they individually cry out to be loved but not knowing how to receive it or return it, am I going to continue to love the way I know I'm created to and love without demanding love in return. Love is selfless and undemanding of someone else's affections. This is the hardest kind of love to attain, because we all want to be loved in return. We all want to know that we are loved. But when we aren't loved the way we want to be loved will we keep loving?! That is what is being asked of me. Will you continue to love when you aren't being loved in return the way you want to be? Will I continue to stand in who I am when the rejection is greater than the receiving end of love. I was reading over my journal in the last months and I had asked God to make me stand tall, not just in church where it is easy to stand, but in the world. Where I can stand taller than I would in the church, with His love. Well I guess for that to happen I have to be put in situations where that love can rise above. And that has definetly been happening. I thought several times I was going to fall. But Gods love is so much greater. So much more. He has shown Himself so faithful when I needed His love to exceed what was in me so I could continue to love, it always happens. I find my heart soft towards people even when I'm hurt. Love does cover a multitude. I pray that this kind of love is the kind of love that my heart sinks in, dwells in and lives there. Makes it my hearts home. This woman inside is alive and well, making love her choice, being who I was created to be.