Choices

My heart is faced with a Choice, two actually. I can choose to face the pain and embrace it and get healing or I can allow fear to rule my life. We make choices out of two places. Fear or Faith. Everything thing we do comes from this place, truth or lies. Fear or Faith they are the same. I am so afraid, afraid that my experiences will be the greater truth in my life. The experience that tells me on a regular basis " you are not worth it", "there is someone better", "I choose someone else". These are the lies that I'm faced with every single day, these are my fears, this is my death. My constant question, will you prove me right? It is such a up hill battle. To combat this lie every single day that has been told to me every single day for all 29 years and that will continue to tell me for the rest of my life. The message that has been spoken silently through all the actions and informal words. "I choose someone else, you are not worth it" A message that came through my father every single day when he never called, came back, knew me, or loved me. " I choose someone else" This wound goes so deep that I use to wonder if even Papa could touch it, did he even know that it was such a resounding rejection every single day of my life. And if He was such a Good God, and Good Daddy and He did know, then to me that still didnt seem like a good Daddy, actually it seemed just like my earthly father. where was the follow thru, where was He when i needed Him as a little girl?! And I'm not talking about in a picture, a vision, a dream, a knowing that He was there right beside me. I was tired of the "spiritual jargin" I needed something real, something tangible. Something existing. Where was He??? This is my death, every day to fight an up hill battle single handed, i dont have the energy Daddy, please dont ask me to do this, I am weak and feeble, it has been a hard winter, im dehydrated, and when i do drink it gets taken away from me immediately, I dont have the strength. Where are you in the physical?? This is a constant medium in my life. Faith combating the fear. which will win? well as my life continues and i choose love, faith will win. Love never fails, this is what I am told and choose to believe, faith and love will win everytime. So I choose truth, I choose faith, I choose love. my fears will no longer paralyze me, but faith will activate any place inside that has been dormant, and will not allow fear any longer, fear will no longer control my life. I CHOOSE TRUTH OVER LIES, I CHOOSE LOVE OVER HATE, I CHOOSE LIFE OVER DEATH, I CHOOSE FAITH OVER FEAR. These are my choices, and they have been made.