YES!!!!

nothing. i have started to write this post and erase it time after time. and still nothing is really forming. there arent any thoughts that are complete, well complete enought that anyone reading them would understand without forming thier own opinion of what is going on in my life. instead of what is real truth. im trying to get in touch with my heart, hoping that if i continue to write about nothing that something would surface. and the only thing that keeps surfacing is my desperation to be in constant commuinion with the one who created me. not out of this place that is religious and so people can read this and think "o, she really must love Jesus", no simply because i realise i cant make it in this place that i am unless i am in a constant place of intimacy with HIM. i am weak and undesrving but for some reason He has mercy and grace that is new every single morning. any jaded thoughts i have conformed in the past toward HIs church are quickly fading bc i need such a divine connection with people around me that are searching and chasing after the same thing i am, His love and truth. being where i am geographically, i dont have a choice to have thoughts like i have had in the past, there is no room for it. i either love or completely turn and walk away from what i have tried to base the core of who i am off of. to love or not to love is the question? what will the answer be, well i said yes a long time ago, and will continue to say yes as long as im alive. although some days will be harder than others, yes is the answer that resounds loud and clear from my spirit. so YES i choose YES. i say YES to the creator of the universe,and the creator of my heart that yurns for HIm. just to live with Him in a place that i am constantly with HIm.

when You come down

song of solomon 1:4
draw me after you and let us run together

He is doing that. He is drawing me after Himself.. and then we play and run together. i work in a bar, and live in LA. two places that are all together about one thing. pleasure of the flesh. and then there is me in both places with a heart that is about one thing as well, pleasing my Father. and i know by being here and being me, and working there and being me... i am doing exactly that. and with that being said, Jesus' presence in my life has to be a constant. i feel another level of desperation for Him in my life. and i like it. i want him to pour himself over me like rain. my soul is after you Jesus. i do need a encounter with Jesus. because yesterdays bread isnt good enough for today. i need the fresh manna. a fresh word for today. a fresh encounter. i need an encounter with my beloved every single day. i love that i know that, and what to do about it. i have a new cd that im absolutely in love with... it is the heartbeat of Holy Spirit. full surrender with full desperation for His touch!!!