a story to tell

im here... with much joy exceeding the situations that have occured. haha. all i can do is laugh. even when i want to cry... all that comes out is laughter. hahahahha. even now. my face is lit with a smile. this is the story of how i got to L.A.

i left nashville drove to dallas where i was picking up a friend that i had only known for a week or two and during that week had only spent 2 days with him. so really i dont know this guy, met him at work and now im driving across the country with him. haha. that in itsself could just set you up for what this journey of living in LA will look like. haha. well get to dallas meet his family. we go to the rangers and mariners game...box seats. that was awesome. really enjoyed that. then the next morning head out for good ol' los angeles. so first day everything is great. my car is awesome, we are having a good time...its fun. we get a hotel room...sleep together... hahaha just kidding. get up and then off we go. we are in arizona by now so all we have is about 7 hours to go. we have to cross thru the desert heat. well we are driving and no sooner do we get into california does my car overheat. i get out, a little disturbed...especially since i know that im doing exactly what Holy Spirit told me. i tell God as i walk away from the interstate 10 and my car..this is your problem and i know that you are good. send someone and do something about this. and no sooner do i turn around and walk towards my car does a man stop and have exactly what we need. a full container of anti freeze. and then tells us that he is going to LA as well and will follow us and if something happens he can just take us all the way in. well we stopped a few times and my car seemed fine. as we got closer to LA my battery light goes on. what does that mean i say? well the guy(spencer is his name) that was with me (thank you Jesus bc i would have been all alone on the side of the road) says its nothing if the car is running. ok! so we continue on this drive. we make it into LA. and as soon as we got to LA my car is telling me that it is about to stop working. all my gages stopped working and my car is dying on me. so we get off on an exit and booyah... my car is sick. but thankfully Jesus already knew and my car got towed and to a mechanic that is really nice and its getting fixed. God showed up. MY car got towed for free and i got discounted on the work of the mechanic bc i knew someone. hahaha. bc i knew the guy that i picked up in dallas. funny thing, i knew that i was suppose to pick spencer up, even though people told me i was crazy. even though i thought i was crazy for doing it but i knew that i had to. you see God does know it all and we just have to listen and obey no matter how crazy it may seem. moral of the story... dont pee your pants when ur in the desert, that just seems a little awkward and gross.

in your presence

i leave one week from today. my car is packed and so is my heart. my life is a suitcase waiting to be sent somewhere, on some mission to change history. this suitcase carries a bomb waiting to explode. sometimes it is opened and it is deffective, and then other times explosives are leaking from the air pockets of the fabric. depending on the place and time in my life, is dependent upon the change. i feel that i am changing always, we always are. but one thing that i want to stay the same, one thing that i pray stays the same is my hearts longing to know Holy Spirit more, to know more of His love. not to become jaded, or compromisable. Father keep my heart close to yours and my mind renewed. i want to keep child like joy and faith to have a heart that is resilient no matter what happens. please keep my heart protected from a whethered one. please keep me close to your chest no matter what the cost. i want to stay near you. in your presence is where i belong. all fear is gone. in your presence i will do what ever you ask me to. in your presence i am safe and i completely trust and have all faith. in your presence. i realise that i can do life but if i do not carry His presence there really is no point to "do life". in His presence you get to see yourself and others how they really are, how He sees us. We get to love with no limits, no boundaries. we get to love so deep in his presence that all our shit surfaces and we get healing. we realise in His presence that "His presence" is the only thing, the only power that can heal, make you cry and laugh at the same time. and be completely sane. His presence is the only thing that can bring full love, the fullness of life. in His presence is the only thing that makes me fully alive, my heart fully alive. Holy Spirit search my heart and make is clean so that it can be fully alive. Fully alive with life that overflows and makes dead men alive in you. Your presence is the only thing that can do this. keep me alive. keep me in your presence.

if i am not in his presence i become gripped with fear and paralyzed. my mind is a vortex for wrong thinking seeded for fruit that will destroy. compromise is suttle and will destroy. so we must stay in his presence, in his word. o, father keep me safe in your arms.