in your presence

i leave one week from today. my car is packed and so is my heart. my life is a suitcase waiting to be sent somewhere, on some mission to change history. this suitcase carries a bomb waiting to explode. sometimes it is opened and it is deffective, and then other times explosives are leaking from the air pockets of the fabric. depending on the place and time in my life, is dependent upon the change. i feel that i am changing always, we always are. but one thing that i want to stay the same, one thing that i pray stays the same is my hearts longing to know Holy Spirit more, to know more of His love. not to become jaded, or compromisable. Father keep my heart close to yours and my mind renewed. i want to keep child like joy and faith to have a heart that is resilient no matter what happens. please keep my heart protected from a whethered one. please keep me close to your chest no matter what the cost. i want to stay near you. in your presence is where i belong. all fear is gone. in your presence i will do what ever you ask me to. in your presence i am safe and i completely trust and have all faith. in your presence. i realise that i can do life but if i do not carry His presence there really is no point to "do life". in His presence you get to see yourself and others how they really are, how He sees us. We get to love with no limits, no boundaries. we get to love so deep in his presence that all our shit surfaces and we get healing. we realise in His presence that "His presence" is the only thing, the only power that can heal, make you cry and laugh at the same time. and be completely sane. His presence is the only thing that can bring full love, the fullness of life. in His presence is the only thing that makes me fully alive, my heart fully alive. Holy Spirit search my heart and make is clean so that it can be fully alive. Fully alive with life that overflows and makes dead men alive in you. Your presence is the only thing that can do this. keep me alive. keep me in your presence.

if i am not in his presence i become gripped with fear and paralyzed. my mind is a vortex for wrong thinking seeded for fruit that will destroy. compromise is suttle and will destroy. so we must stay in his presence, in his word. o, father keep me safe in your arms.