everything is not what it seems

I am learning so much about the wooing of God, the wooing of love. It doesnt look like what we think it looks like. It is really simple, it is about desire and when we fulfill that desire we walk away with even a greater desire then what we started with. It isnt this feeling of butterflies and cant breathe feeling, a feeling of magic, or sparks flying and although sometimes we will feel that, that isnt what lasts. When I wake with the desire to be with Jesus, my sweet Jesus, to talk to Holy Spirit and just be with Him, to sit on Papas lap, and when I follow through with that desire and it is filled and walk away realizing that I want more, that is the art of being wooed, when you dont even know it. Think about it when you are being wooed by anything or anyone, there isnt a full recognition that, that is what's happeneing it isnt until after the fact that it has already happened. It happens like that in relationships also. Why do make it look like something else, why do we make it look like what we are missing in our lives, what we didnt have as a child or even now as adults, what you didnt feel when all the time that needs to be coming from Papa b/c He is the only one that can fill that anyways. Why do we make it look like our filters. Guess what I am learning that nothing ever is really what it seems. And that isnt a bad thing, but God's idea is so much different than ours. I just want to know what His looks like so I can have the same. I am in such a great place, and I am loving it. But reflecting over this last year has left me with the question "what is it that I am really wanting in a husband?"...... so here it is....someone who values me as his best friend, my opinion although it may be wrong, who likes being around me, someone who has character greater than annointing, someone who could cares less about ministry and more about Love. Is up for anything that Holy Spirit throws at us. Wants our life to be simple but full of adventure, and that I am not the adventure but wants to take me on one. I want someone who thinks I am funny and I can make him laugh but he is also funny. Someone that is laid back and can handle my drama. I want someone who could be a little naughty but chooses not to. I want a man, someone who will call me on my shit, and not be afraid of me. Someone who will step up to the plate and not b/c he is asked but b/c he wants to. I want to be around someone who is fun and it is easy to be with, I can be myself and not have to think twice about it, b/c I know that he likes who I am in silence or me living out loud. Someone who loves to laugh, and can find humor in simple things. I just want to be around me best friend. I know that romance comes and goes, and I just want my best freind. Dont get me wrong I am a woman and want the romance for sure I am a hopeless romantic at heart, but in the end friendship is what you are left with and the most important.

My friend Laura is here from London and we were talking about life and where have all the men gone? Why are all the men afraid to step up and be men? It is our generation of boys who want to stay in never never land and not grow up! We as women are crying out for the boys of our gen. to please be MEN, we need you! We need leaders, we WANT you to lead us, please be confident in who God created you to be, please be who you are so we can be who we are, women!


I just speak to the men of our generation and say " you are Men of honor and respect, who protect and fight and sacrafice. Leaders among leaders, a man who is not controlled by fear of rejection but is lead by the spirit of God and lead by knowing that you are a son and bridegroom of the most high King. You know your identity and walk in it. This is who you are called to be, and who you will walk as. A Man who is determined by the love of his heart and all that is in it and not by the mistakes he has made. Papa, speak to the heart of these men that they would become alive and not be afraid of thier hearts and that the would live there."


Aaron and Kayle I do not include you in that....my discleamor!


Jesus is the love of my life. He will always be I am sure of this, I am so ruined by His presence. I love just sitting with Him. I cant wait until I have a house, what ever room is the biggest will be the soaking room! that I am sure of. My house will be dedicated to hosting His presence.