Revelation

well so I realized something, I am amazing and deserve the very best. Papa said so! HE SAID! hahaha a lil inside joke.

But really I am realizing that the past few months have been immature...not just on one end but both. I feel such relief that I am not in a place of expecting. And not in a bad way, in a good way of not expecting. In this moment and time in my life I am more, and need more. I need the best and maturity. Someone who will respect and honor and desire, and not let fear get in the way on any level. This new level of revelation is changing me, changing my thoughts, changing my perspective. I know all this but last night as I was at dinner with Mal, she said " I dont want you to like him, I dont like the way that he treats you" It hit me that she was right. And not any disrespect to that person but she was right, she is right. On any level of even just a friendship, it has been wierd and strange. And I take responsibility for some of it, but she is right. I like this person as a friend, it is all good now but it was like any feelings I did have for him have vanished. It is really freeing actually. I really like it. Cause now if he is wierd to me I dont care! Before I cared b/c I liked him, but now, I dont! Yeah I care about him as a person but Im not gonna put so much effort into it, unless it is mutual(I mean on a friend level). It just doesnt have very much weight on it anymore. I love it. I feel so much freedom on the situation. MMMWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I LOVE IT! I feel like singing a song. It is great.


I am gonna go now, I have to go somewhere....I leave for redding tomorrow. I feel wierd about it, but I am sure it will be fine. I cant wait to see Danny and Sheri.