im just me.

alot is going on in me... there is so much i feel that im dealing with, and it is all good. God has really been giving me daily small revelations of my true value and worth. which are turning out to radically transform me. it just goes to show it really is the small things in life that change you. first i have realised so much, i am dramatic and im ok with that. that is how i was created.. i am fiesty, firey..always have been since i was little gurl..there are stories. i am a fighter. as much as i am those things, i am also sensitive. im both ends of the spectrum. strong but sensitive. and although you dont get to see those at the same time and maybe one more than the other, they are still both there. you see, i am a woman. a real woman. im seeing that i am treasure, i was created to be a crown. i have value and i hadnt really seen it before. i knew that i was loved but i didnt know my worth. im seeing it now, and it is making me more of who i am. all of me, and i like that. im becoming alive again. and i like that too. im not making excuses for who i am, im just me.

rants from the heart

omg...why do people think that they can do that. and " that " is be a total jerk, say whatever they want only to cover it up with sorry. it doesnt work that way. you can say sorry all you want, and i can forgive you, but that doesnt mean that i want you in my life. bottomline. im no longer allowing that kind of behavior in my life, not from me to others and not from others to me. it just isnt nice, it isnt Godly. im tired of it. friends are suppose to be the people that walk with you in life no matter what. and i usually have grace for behavior that is less than perfect, hello i am me, and im way less than perfect and hope people have grace for me. but isnt ther a time when you have to draw a line in the sand saying "enough". i dont want jerks as friends. maybe i need a greater revelation of love.

a strange rant

it is an odd feeling this one that is going on in me right now. i cant think of anything to write about..... that is an odd thing in my world, i usually always have something to write about.

i have no deep thoughts.

i have some shallow ones, like about this cute guy i have seen 2 sundays in a row at church. he has sex appeal that is 4sure. great style. not sure what he is about. but i'd like to know. and both sundays, i caught him checking me out.

i dont want words... i want action. im tired of words. " your so beautiful, omg, your gorgeous" (but im here with my girlfriend)

i had this one guy come into btops where i work with his GIRLFRIEND, he goes to the bathroom, passing by me whispers into my ear "your so gorgeous" ... who does that?!?!?! he has a girlfriend, dont be all incognito about it. anyways, that is a daily thing at work. and it is all just words. i mean i like being told im beautiful, who doesnt? but then again... i think that it gets old bc i think im just an ordinary gurl, nothing special. i might be cute, but seriously im not all that. there are plenty of beautiful people in the world. anyways, maybe i have issues. o, wait... i do, hahahaha.

thats it, nothing deep. just a little ranting.

another time for this

i feel like i have been so busy lately..i guess i have. i spend the majority of my time at work. and when im not there i am sleeping. and you know what i miss...

holy spirit time...good holy spirit time.

writing

playing with Jesus

seeing my beloved johnson family.

i miss alot...but i know that this is a time to work alot and save money. i feel like there is a purpose for working so much this summer. there is much to be done.

im miss spending good quality time with Jesus....so im going to do that right now instead or writing.

lata

righteous?!?!?

what is being righteous...what does that look like. the last month or so i often find myself thinking about being righteous and what that really looks like. ive been a bit confused bc about 2 months ago i had a dream about this man in prison, on his knees forgiving people and asking for forgiveness, weeping in the presence of God. and God called him righteous in my dream. He (being God) told me in the dream that his ways were not my ways and that i had been crying out to know his ways and that is what it looked like, the guy in the prison cell. so i have thought about that dream alot needless to say. but i just now opened my bible and came across another verse that said "herod was afraid of john bc he was a righteous and holy man" so that word coming up again i decided to look up the true meaning of righteous...you might be surprised to know what it means...i was.

righteous- free from guilt or sin; genuine, excellent

well the genuine part stuck out to me, i looked up genuine... and check this out.

genuine- 1 a: actually having the reputed or apparent qualities or character b: actually produced by or proceeding from the alleged source or author c: sincerely and honestly felt or experienced d: actual, true 2: free from hypocrisy or pretense : sincere

isnt that interesting?!?!? being righteous is actually about being real, true to oneself. being the real thing, no hyprocrisy to oneself, ones true self. being real in your walk with God, whether you are off one day or totally on. living out loud, truly hands out seeing it all. isnt it interesting that in this day and age all you hear is people saying " just be real, just be you" the message to be righteous is being preached everyday we are just using the slang verbage. God is looking for a righteous people, a nation that will be righteous, a son and daughter, a lover...to be righteous, to be real. another part i found interesting was that it said, to be FREE from GUILT... that is cool.... and im to tired to go into that , i'll just leave that for another time.

as of late...

...i find myself having less to say about life and just pondering it. my words dont seem to express anything, the silence is enough.