fear or freedom

Fear! What is fear and where does it come from? Fear is something that I have not been accustomed to, or at least that is what I thought. Not something that had room in my life very often. Most people who have known me, really have known me would say that I am bold, blunt, fearless. Most would claim that I do whatever I want, in a way that is not rebellious. That God speaks and I do it., well that is what I think that people think @ least, and I have also been told these things. This is something that most would want to be said about them. To be fearless is an amazing attribute to have. It is a characteristic that most would aspire to be.

In my life, I have often been fearless, Knowing the power of God in my life. Knowing that His desire is the most powerful, His heart is the most passionate, His love is the love that is most fearless of all, bold as a lion. This is something that we all want to know and live out of. I cant say that I lived from that place all the time but most of the time, this is where I walked and lived from, knowing that I was loved by the most powerful, passionate, fearless , loving creator of all. He is the creator of all. My God who created the earth and seas, the creatures, who created life, who created me! That is who I am, that is who God created me to be as well. To be powerful as He is, passionate as He is, Loving as He and fearless as He is. So, what happened?!? How has fear crept in my life, or has it always been there but I didn’t know that it was because circumstances hadn’t arose to stir or make myself aware that there was fear?!?!?!?!? This is the question that I am asking myself, and the answer that I am searching for. My heart feels extremely raw and tender. I also realized something else, I don’t write anymore. Writing use to be such a release for me, songs, blogs, books, revelations, etc… why don’t I write anymore, well my heart has been shut down for a while, and that has been because fear had crept in, and that’s because I stopped believing, I stopped trusting my most beloved friend. O, Jesus I am so sorry! I am so sorry that I buried you again. I locked you away because my heart was in so much pain, and I couldn’t bare to feel it, it went so deep. I came into agreement with fear, with a lie, with satan. My heart was so broken that to feel what was there, hurt more @ the time than what I thought it would in the long run. Now after 2 years I am starting to feel again, but now I have to feel all the pain I buried. And to do that, I can’t have fear, and if I do have fear I have to chose to meet it with faith. I am on this journey again of opening up my heart. To let my heart be truly alive from the inside. To truly be ALIVE. But I have to face my fears to do that. It is really scary. I have a fear of failure, that might be why I believe things so strongly when I believe something, if I believe enough it cant fail. That’s what I believe of God anyway, well what I want to believe of Him. So maybe if I believe all these other things so strongly and they disappoint me it wont be as bad as if God ( the awestruck, creator of the universe) disappointed me. I just don’t think that I could handle that. And it seems that He has already disappointed me because life hasn’t turned out the way I thought it should. So it is much easier to shut my heart off, and in doing that I have come into agreement with death, with a lie, wasting away, the very opposite of who I am. I have shut out the very thing that I have wanted to be. ALIVE. Fearless, but it has made me fearful. Alive, but my heart has been dying, truth but ive been in agreement with a lie. Wow it is amazing to me how all it takes is one moment, one thought, one agreement and the enemy has his foot hole. Well not anymore. I am in a fight, a fight against death that will provoke life. A fight against brokenness that will cause wholeness and life. I will win because I am believing again the creator of the universe created me to be ALIVE, full of Life, love, passion and boldness. This is who I am. This is who He created me to be. I will face my fears and meet it with faith to overcome. I believe that my God does not disappoint no matter how many lies are thrown @ me. I believe, because believing produces life. When I believe I am alive. I am full. I am walking in a greater truth. I am passionate. I am LOVE. All the things that I desire to be. I look like Him, and that is the ultimate goal. I love my Jesus. He is sweet and tender, just as I need Him to be.

The more I walk this out, this issue of fear, I realize that I have been full of fear. I only do what I know that I am good @, which hasn’t been much. Fear has caused me to be paralyzed in careers, dreams, relationships, in life. I am so glad that a higher truth has been revealed to me, I am glad that I can accept it although hard, and work towards the product that I really want to be. Bold, fearless, FREEDOM and full of God. God often seems to do surgery on us, and almost always right when life seems to be the hardest. I am so excited about this season in my life. I am getting FREE. And my freedom will be contagious. What a great opportunity to show the Love of God. To live fully ALIVE, fully FREE, fully FEARLESS, fully BOLD, fully LOVED, is to live as Jesus. Which is my ultimate goal.

so which do you choose, FEAR or FREEDOM?

i choose FREEDOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!