vulnerability

It is wierd the things you will run to when you are feeling vulnerable, where your thoughts run! What you try to fill that spot with. I do stupid things all the time when I feel that way, call people who I shouldnt call, smoke a clove, drink some whiskey..hahaha not really I just thought that was funny! ( the whiskey part at least) everything else yes it is true! Not that any of those things are horrible, but it is just the motive behind it all. In the end I run right where I needed to be in the first palce to Papa! It never takes me long b/c I can recognize what is happening and where I am! When I am there, in Papa's presence, my troubles dont go away, but there is a knowing that "everything little things gonna be alright". I love that song by delirious, whatever the name of it is. My heart is filled with comfort. My question is still there...am I doing the right thing? and the answer is, only time will tell! I hate that I have to be patient, I want everything right now! We all do! But that isnt how life works, and I am learning to be ok with it b/c I have to!

today as I was at the bucks sitting, drinking an iced grande soy 2 pump white mocha, reading a book, and basquing in the sun, I realized how much I loved my life, even being single! I just enjoyed who I am. I like that! Also I love listening to other peoples conversations, what people like to talk about, and I heard this guy telling this woman that he is a call-guy, instead of a call-girl, he is a male prostitute basically and he was proud of it! He said with such dignity! It was rather funny and sad all at the same time. I usually would have said something to him like Jesus loves him but wasnt compelled to, it was a wierd feeling! oh well! I know Jesus loves him and I just asked God to show Himself real to that man! I have been staying up rather late, lately! that is unusual for me! Well I am off to myspace...where else can I be so social? hahaha