a new subject...not

i am His bride. i am His bride. He loves me. no matter what. but with that said it makes me want to be a little better. i want to please Him and i know that i do just being me. but it makes me come to this place where i am like God purge me of everything that does not look like you. I know that i dont have to ask Him that but i am. bc i want it so bad. right now i can fully say that i am going thru a cleansing. He is coming back for a spotless and blameless bride. i want to look like that. so He has permission to do that. i just want Him. do you hear me God, i just want you. i dont want to run from my issues. have mercy Lord. i dont wanna run anymore. I need your life. you are the source. you are my light. you are it. you do it for me. whatever you want me to look like i will . i just want you. have mercy.

today i was having ice cream with some friends. and randomly not bc we were talking about it he said "priscilla for not wanting to get married you surely talk about guys alot." which to him i do not talk about guys at all. i think he was just being a pain. trying to get to me. it didnt work but it did make me think. so i should clarify myself. it isnt about whether i want to get married or not. of course i would like to. who doesnt. but if i dont, it isnt the end of the world. and my reasoning for not wanting to get married would be more of a fear issue. it is easier to be single. and i am pretty content to be single. i just want to chase after God. if i ever get married i want my husband to love God as much or more than i do. i dont want to sacrafice my relationship with Jesus for a man. that isnt worth it to me. i love Him to much. so it isnt a question of whether i want to or not. of course i do. it is question of whether i will or not. either way. i am content with the outcome. i am enjoying my singleness for now.