more issues

well let me see what today was. it was a day full of me manifesting. well actually the last week has been that, and i can feel it escalading into a giant something that is about to burst. im not sure exactly what to do about it and where to go with it. so after talking with mallory i realized it is bc i am going to africa and all this stuff is coming up to deal with it so i can be as free as possible when i go. o yeh, for you that dont know, i applied to go to Heidi's school in mozambique. i will find out soon if i am accepted. i have a good feeling that i will but soon we will find out. anyways, so today what happened was this. a man came up to me(funny that is was a man, where my issues lie) and told me that one of the last places God was touching on me was tenderness. which made me manifest. bc first of all that made me feel like he was saying i was mean, harsh, uncaring. and that is everything a woman isnt. so it was almost like he was telling me i wasnt womanly. OUCH. that hurt, made me mad actually. he went on about a husband, and i stopped him in mid sentence and was like well actually i dont want to get married. i am more than content with Jesus where i am. i like it being just me and Him. so he didnt go there and proceeded with his word that i need to be MORE tender. you know what that says to me... priscilla you arent enough! you need to be more than what you are. and you know what i say to that. keep it! that is why marriage doesnt look appealing to me. i cant be anything more than what i am. so after that, i sat with Papa in my car..soon to be home. and we sat and talked for a bit. and this is what he said to me. Priscilla he should have used a different word. i was thinking more like, i have you in a season of you being more vulnerable, im taking you to that place where i am requiring you to be vulnerable. He went on, but that made me feel alot better. but still there is something in that man telling me that. i dont know how to be anything more. you know women already deal with so much anyways, and that in particular. either we are to much or not enough. in my case i think i am getting both. i just cant deal with that....you know women want to be desired and wanted just as they are. i cant be anything else but me, is that not enough? am i not enough? i cant deal with it. i cant handle it. please i dont want it. i want to be single forever. i just want Jesus. He thinks i am plenty. not to much and He thinks i am enough. yeah, i am a strong woman, but you know what, i am also sensitive. i just cant deal. i just cant.