bombarded

today i woke with not much on my mind, just simply..thank you God i got to sleep in. as i have gone about my day, making coffee, calling a few friends, checking my email ..etc... my heart is being drawn to be with Jesus. it doesnt feel the same, but i feel it deep down in the core. this is a bit deeper than before. when i checked my email today i had several new emails from people in africa and london. people that i spent a good amount of time with or people that i met a long the way. something in my heart was grabbed. almost solemn. i miss that. i think maybe because it reminds me of what use to be. i know that i cant live where i use to be, but when it was so good you cant help to want to go back to that place. last nite i went to the snow patrol concert in ATL with mallory. it was amazing. there was one part when Holy Spirit showed up. i sat down closed my eyes and asked Him to be with me once again. if i keep asking He will eventually come wont He?!?! i know that it cant be the way it use to, mainly because it doesnt satisfy. i need something new. i need to be renewed. questions still linger, they might not be as close as they were before, but they are still within my sight. i hope soon that these questions will no longer be here. i want to just sit with Jesus and not question anything. i just want to believe. today i felt bombarded with who i use to be and am i still tha person today?!?!? well im not sure about anything right now. im just glad that the intensity of this season had dwindled down. my heart just wants Holy Spirit. i just want to be with Him on the beach and let Him love me and me love Him. this is what i want to be bombarded with. a reminder of how much He loves me.