i know nothing.

im leaving where i am going im not sure. i want to be alone and in thought with Jesus. i want to get this thing worked out, whatever this thing is. i want to go to mexico. if i had a credit card i would put it on that, but all i have is cash saved up. and i dont have enough for the ticket. im listening to this old hymn, it is well. but im not sure that it is. is it? is it well, it surely doesnt feel like it, and i feel a bit skitso. one day im great and the next im not. what is that about. last night i couldnt sleep and my heart hurt again. i told every tormenting spirit to leave me. i came out of agreement with fear and did all what i knew to do, but it didnt help. i need help. i need Jesus, but He seems to far away right now, i keep crying out for Him but i dont hear a response from him. i keep reaching for Him but feel nothing. my eyes are searching but i see nothing. where is this lover i once would have said that i knew, and now i would say i know very little. where is this person i once called my friend. i miss Him. i miss Him very much. my heart aches, litterally with pain for Him. not lovesick, but desperation for His touch to once again invade my life. once again to experience HIm. im longing for this touch, and this time it is a longing that i have never experienced before. this goes deeper than even i knew was in me. GOOODDDDD i need you. please come. i have no preconcieved ideas, you have broken all that, i dont know what to expect anymore, so i dont expect anything. i use to have a box, that was bigger than most, but now im uncovered, broken, and naked. im exposed and im cold wanting you to cover me, but i cant find shelter. im looking but cant find any, where are you? what are you? who are you? what do you look like? because everything i use to know is shit now. i know nothing now. i know nothing. i litterally know nothing.i closer i get, the more i realise that i dont know you, and the futher away i realise that i am. im not close at all. this reality wasnt reality at all. what i know now, seems like reality. WOW..... it is well. the one thing that keeps me is that i know that you love me, and that you are good. that is it. that is all i know. all. all i know. and i dont even know that as well as i thought i did. i told you God i dont know anything.