blessed assurance

i have been in this place alot in my life. this place where you are sure of nothing, not even of the step that you are about to take. but this time it is really different. what do i mean by that? well it is different in that usually i have some idea in my head that "a certain something" what ever it might be is where i am headed. this time i just dont know. do i have ideas of what i could be doing sure, but im totally unsure about them. my life is on a road that is not travelled much, this ground is cold to the touch and there arent very many shoe prints on the sand. warm bodies havent been down this road in a while. i actually feel as if i am frodo in the Lord of the Rings. I feel as if i have stepped out of the shire and knowing that it will never be the same. im not even sure when the shire was. i just know that it has been a long time since i have been there and im not sure that i will ever go back. along this journey God has given me amazing friends, that without them, i wouldnt have made it. im walking down this road and there are all kinds of things that are trying to stop me from getting to the end, but God keeps stretching His hand out, i often grab it, and sometimes not. sometimes the hurt and questioning of why? keeps me from grabbing it. but in the end i always do. He always leaves it out for me to grab. and then when it isnt, im screaming from inside to have it. on this road, one thing keeps me going. one thing keeps me alive, keeps me breathing for more, keeps my joy. one thing. and that is knowing that IM TOTALLY LOVED BY GOD. i know that beyond anything else that He loves me. although i need to know that more, i know it. here i am His favorite one. i am His favorite and that is comforting. that makes this road not so lonely and not so cold. He keeps me warm and that is reassuring.