my heart

aaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh........ my heart is hurt. my heart is broken. my heart is sad. my heart has survived. my heart use to be whole. my heart needs to be healed. my heart has been proven wrong. my heart is wanting it to be different. my heart is a puddle drowning in itself. my heart is real. my heart never likes to be fake. my heart is not trustworthy. my heart is unfailing. my heart is torn between two things that im not sure about it. my heart is sometimes black and sometimes white. my heart is never grey. my heart lives on the outside wishing to be on the inside. my heart hears a song that sometimes is sad but most of the time happy. my heart is mostly alive but the part that is dead is effects the rest of the life that it has. my heart wants quality and not quantity. i want a life worth living and my heart is searching for that, but has no idea of how to go about getting that. my heart, my heart, my heart. what is this thing we call out heart, and why does it beat. what life does it give. if our heart is the place that carries every dream and desire, and we cant trust that, then what can we trust. if this the place where our core meets God and we cant trust it, then what can we trust. trust is the issue. although im writing about can i trust or not, i have to believe that my heart is good. that my heart loves Jesus. someone told me that the heart is wicked above all things, but wait. in the new testament it says that it is good. and if to the core of who we are, Jesus lives there, in our hearts then i have to believe that my heart is good. He abides there. and where He is nothing bad can live. He lives there, He lives with me, in me, around me, He lives there. He is good, and so if He is good, and He lives there, he isnt going to live any place that isnt good. evil cant live with good and good cant live with evil. there would be no peace. i have to trust, although that is the hardest thing for me and it is only thru the soverignty of His amazing grace and mercy that i can, i have to trust that my heart is good. because i need to trust Him and that is what He says and He cant lie. i need an encounter with God that so surpasses any other that i have ever had, so i can know more right now in this place of desperation that He loves me, that HE LOVES ME, just thte way i am right now..completely screwed up. im letting it all hang out. i couldnt even pull it all in if i tried.