deep waters

I need you more
I need you more than words can say
show me your face
show me your face

As this songs plays over and over in my heart, I cant help but to feel the pain of wanting HIm so much more. aaaaahhhhhh(sigh) Have you ever felt that? The longing for something that it actually hurts. When I think of my sweet Jesus, I just weep.

May everything around me be erased, i hope that nothing is of value when He walks into the room, into my heart. I just want to look at Him. aaaahhhhh( another sigh)


As I come into this place
may all around me be erased
and as I focus on all your ways
may I lose myself in your embrace

I need you more
I need to see your face
I need you more
I need you more than words can say
I need to see your face
I need you Lord

Show me your face
Show me your face

Last night I talked to Sheri, I have been missing them so much lately. I have been missing the people in my life, the relationships that go deep, deeper than what I even realized. I realized that those people in my life helped me become alive. So whenever I am going thru a time when I feel not alive, I revert back to the memories of those relationships. But that was then and this is now, and it doesnt make me come alive the way it use to. There is somthing new and I just have to find it. And I am not disreguarding that relationship but, it is different. I am realizing that the time I spent in Redding and the people I spent it with I will be forever grateful and know that I can always remember, and that keeps it alive. But I can not live in the depth of the relationships "use to be". What is and who is right in front of me? Who wants that and who am I willing to give that to? I have great relationships with people here, but I am longing for a great depth and havent known how to go about getting it. I thought at one point with tyler we were becoming great friends but that ended up being so hard, it shouldnt be that hard should it? So nothing, and I told papa, i just want a friend that I can be silly with, laugh with and have fun and see more of God. guy or girl, I am not looking for anything else than that, I just wanted another Katieann in my life, not to replace her b/c that could and will never happen but I wanted someone funny and the connection, someone who gets me. But I know that I will never have another Katieann in my life so I just want her and hubby Josh to move here. I miss her so much.

I feel as if the fast I just came off of is still having an effect on me. I am still finding and I guess in a way always will still be finding out the depths of my heart. My heart goes really deep and I didnt even know that. I am going deep, will I sink or swim? I dont know, but we will soon find out. I love every emotion in life, it really makes who we are, and really feeling them in that moment. taking hold of it, Iiving and loving. I want to go to Israel so bad, I just want to go to another country, culture, I am itching to leave for a bit. random I know but that is part of heart. And i am going deep remember. what is in the depths of you heart? have you been there lately or are you afraid of what you will find? I encourage you to take the risk and dive in, it will be worth it!