uuuuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhh.

man can I just say that vulnerability sucks alot. and I know that I want to be, but Im not sure that I can. no one has asked me to be, HS wants me to live my life that way. HS told me something today that really just pissed me off, truly it did. "Isnt He enough, why cant I just live with Him, have Him all to myself, and me all to Himself. Why cant I just be single, Papa here I am volunteering to be single, living completely abandoned to You. I just want more of you!" that was my part of my conversation to HS, and this is what he said.."Priscilla yes, you could live your life that way, and it would be good and blessed, butI have called you to more, there is more than that. I want you to experience the true meaning of sacrafice, of love. when u get married you will be able to understand the fullness of the sacrafice of Jesus. You will be able to understand what it truly is to love. and that is what u tell me u want your life to look like constantly. you have to trust Me. you could never get married, but that would be good and I have created you for greatness, dont let others suffer b/c you are afraid, lets work thru this, this is much bigger than you, this is about my Bride, I have you...I destined you for greatness."

yeah that is what I said.....nothing but a brokeness, nothing but to get on my face before Him and express in the most unefficent way, but the only way I know how sometimes, and that is with words or silence. So I sat there with this ache in my heart, to know Him more and that in the end although it is really hard to tell Him, "if that is what it looks like to have more of Him in my life than I am willing". I want to walk in the fullness of Him, and I will. Man this is a tough one. I have felt so spent, drained and apathetic about relationships that the thought of it is exhausting, but I feel that there is the thing that Papa is doing, and that is breaking thru the walls, tearing down strongholds, deliverance, and etc... He wants us to arrive people, He wants us to get it more than we do, He wants us to walk in who He has destined us to be....the question isnt is He speaking? the question is will u listen and obey? and like I have said before, I hope that my answer everytime is yes, Im sure it will be, actually I know that it will be. But it is just a matter of when I answer...sometimes right away with a confidence and sometimes there is a hestitance and time goes by and with a uncertainity I say "yes" b/c ultimately I trust HS, I trust Jesus, I trust my Daddy. SO the question was asked today and I havent answered....