where I stand
Well early in the morning I wake with the golden sun basquing in the luxiurious white filled room, singing birds,beautiful plant life surrounding me, believing this is a good day, NO, this is a GREAT day!
I spent a great deal of time in Redding under Bill Johnson and since I have left I often hear his words echoing in my mind, in my heart, good is always enemy to best. I have often wondered in the last few years really throughout my life why I never felt like I fit. No matter where I am, what church I belong to, what family I am a part of, I just never really fit. I get along with almost everyone, I like them, but I always walk away with the feeling that I just dont fit. And not in a rejection sort of way, but my life, my views, my passion never fits in with a particular group. And for a long time for the sake of wanting to belong somewhere, I tried to mold myself, make myself fit, bend that way or this way, cut that part out, be less of who I am, and each time I would find myself dying. It just didnt work, so what does? My life looks sporatic, and unstable, the road I walk is a road that most would look at and think "no way", " that isnt God", "that is to risky", "that isnt for me", and the list goes on, but I look at the other road and think " that road is to risky, risky in the way that I would be settling for good and not best, not the greatest". My life may look unstable, but to the core of who I am, I am stable in Him, in His love, that no matter what Love is worth it on any occassion and I will risk any approval to be love for the loveless. To be the Love that Jesus is, who He has created me to be. I will lay it all down over and over again to the vulnerablitiy of Love. I dont want to risk walking down the road that is safe and will only get good and not the best. As a dear friend of mine puts it " we have to fight for greatness", we can be safe with just recieving good, but recieving greatness is the fight of faith that it is ours, and a fight indeed. If we walk through life believing that good is the best, than there is no fight, but if we come to the realization that there is more than good out there, there is greatness we will fight for it, the enemy doesnt want us to have it. Im coming to see that I am not alone, there are many who dont fit and we are not suppose to, we are not to conform to the ideal christian life, We are warriorbrides of Jesus, ones who are to see the spirit of God really rest where we put our feet, where ever that is. ones who will lay it all, give it all to see His glory, ones who wont settle for good but will fight for greatness, a generation that will stand for what we believe, stand for truth and holiness! I believe this is that generation and we wont conform, we will be who God created us to be and that is individually different and FREE, FREE to be who we are! The core of who I am will not be shaken, I will LOVE and I will risk it...I think, NO, I know that it is worth it! Jesus showed us that and He is perfect truth. My life may look unstable and sporatic, my life may look crazy and look like it is on sinking sand but the truth is, that I am grounded in Love to the core of who I am, and I will risk it and that is where I stand!
I spent a great deal of time in Redding under Bill Johnson and since I have left I often hear his words echoing in my mind, in my heart, good is always enemy to best. I have often wondered in the last few years really throughout my life why I never felt like I fit. No matter where I am, what church I belong to, what family I am a part of, I just never really fit. I get along with almost everyone, I like them, but I always walk away with the feeling that I just dont fit. And not in a rejection sort of way, but my life, my views, my passion never fits in with a particular group. And for a long time for the sake of wanting to belong somewhere, I tried to mold myself, make myself fit, bend that way or this way, cut that part out, be less of who I am, and each time I would find myself dying. It just didnt work, so what does? My life looks sporatic, and unstable, the road I walk is a road that most would look at and think "no way", " that isnt God", "that is to risky", "that isnt for me", and the list goes on, but I look at the other road and think " that road is to risky, risky in the way that I would be settling for good and not best, not the greatest". My life may look unstable, but to the core of who I am, I am stable in Him, in His love, that no matter what Love is worth it on any occassion and I will risk any approval to be love for the loveless. To be the Love that Jesus is, who He has created me to be. I will lay it all down over and over again to the vulnerablitiy of Love. I dont want to risk walking down the road that is safe and will only get good and not the best. As a dear friend of mine puts it " we have to fight for greatness", we can be safe with just recieving good, but recieving greatness is the fight of faith that it is ours, and a fight indeed. If we walk through life believing that good is the best, than there is no fight, but if we come to the realization that there is more than good out there, there is greatness we will fight for it, the enemy doesnt want us to have it. Im coming to see that I am not alone, there are many who dont fit and we are not suppose to, we are not to conform to the ideal christian life, We are warriorbrides of Jesus, ones who are to see the spirit of God really rest where we put our feet, where ever that is. ones who will lay it all, give it all to see His glory, ones who wont settle for good but will fight for greatness, a generation that will stand for what we believe, stand for truth and holiness! I believe this is that generation and we wont conform, we will be who God created us to be and that is individually different and FREE, FREE to be who we are! The core of who I am will not be shaken, I will LOVE and I will risk it...I think, NO, I know that it is worth it! Jesus showed us that and He is perfect truth. My life may look unstable and sporatic, my life may look crazy and look like it is on sinking sand but the truth is, that I am grounded in Love to the core of who I am, and I will risk it and that is where I stand!
posted by priscilla at 8:24 AM
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