i need more grace.

i have recently asked the question to a very good friend, "do u think that you can choose who your heart falls in love with?" I once had someone who i trust and have very high reguard for tell me that "trust your heart, it will never lead you wrong" and for years i have trusted that. but now, im not sure. i feel like i have followed my heart for 2 years and it has led me astray. i feel like i have followed it down a dead end road, a path that has had no lights, but i trusted it anyways, and now with much regret. in the word it says that our hearts are good, no longer evil. that God looks at us with a pure heart. but i now even wonder if we have taken that scripture and twisted it to what we want it to mean. i thought that my heart was pure, that my heart was good, but now im not sure about that at all. what is being in love anyways? is it seeing that person for who they really are? is it loving them for them, not wanting them to change because you see the good always, even when they arent being that. what is it? what is love? i have recently gotten back from africa and going to a school that was all about love, learning how to love. loving people that are in front of you. friends, famliy, the fatherless child, the homeless, the starving. just loving. i use to think that i did a good job at that. now i realise that i suck at all of it. the agape love and the philos love. love in general, im just not very good at it. i want people to love me back and when they dont it hurts and i put up walls and get hard. although i dont want to do that i do. im just being real here. im being as honest and true as i know how to be. i know that this life is all about relationships and love, but what if you suck at it? what then? i cant pretend anymore, i have no performance left in me. i feel stripped and naked with no where to go. i can only do what i have the grace to do, i can only believe what i have the grace for to believe. if Jesus doesnt give me the grace for it, i cant do it. and that means love. i have realised that i am a horrible lover. i have realised that i need more of His grace in my life.