love

it is funny from this morning to this afternoon, my heart is changed. it is amazing how a moment short or long with the King of KIngs can change your life, your perspective. How you can instantly be on a path to healing. something changed today. this morning i was completely triggered by something and i started to freak out, tears and all. and i asked the Lord to show me that He loved me today. and He did. i really love him. i have spent pretty much all day just thinking, processing with God. Just being with Him. and that was exactly what i needed. i feel soft again. i feel my heart turning back to where it once was with Him, and that makes me happy. I really love Him. He is my daddy. a good daddy. i love Him so much it is ridiculious. i still realise that i am weak and that i only have grace to love Him because He first loved me. my heart feels so soft right now. He is my peace, he is my grace, my faith, my heart, my love. He is everything. anything good that comes from me is from Him. I love Him, i love Him, I love Him. He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. HE FREAKIN LOVES ME. I love that. i would say that the last 4 or 5 days have been the worst days that i have gone thru in the lst 3 years. none have been as hard as the last. but i made it thru. my heart made it thru. it was broken and now it isnt. He came and touched it, He's finger is still placed on it. I love my Jesus. He is so sweet. I really love Him. anything that has come out of my mouth in the last 5 days has definetly been from a place of hurt. im not sorry, it was what i was feeling. but if you were one of the people that i have been wretched to, i am sorry. truly, i dont like being mean, that isnt my heart. i really want to be such a pure vessel of Love. I really want that. i know that in love there is alot of risk involved on any level of love. parents, siblings, friends, significant other. there is always risk in any relatiosnhip. and no matter how much my heart is hurt, i want to stay soft. i really want to be that soil for the seed of love to come in and go deep. this life is all about love. no matter how you look at it. it is about being intimate with our King. about loving others. and especially learning how to love yourself. this is he journey that i am on. the journey of love, how to stay soft, walk in forgiveness , how to love even when it isnt pretty. but i can only do these things if He gives me the grace for it. so Jesus i ask that you will give me more grace for this life. im gonna need it.

peeps i freakin love you. im so glad that God has put you in my life. im stinkin filthy rich, because of the relationships in my life.

I LOVE YOU... THIS FEELS OVERWHELMING... I FEEL TEARS. I LOVE YOU. IM OVERWHELMED WITH LOVE.
I LOVE LOVE.... I REALLY DO.