post africa

in the last 3 months, i have done some things that im not proud of, would i take them back. no, most of the decisions i have learned some valueable lessons from. some i just have regret. but i think that goes with a season like that. in the last few weeks i have felt a switch in the spirit, in my spirit. im not sure where i went when i got back from africa, but i wasnt here. i did alot of things, said alot of things that were out of my character. with my eyes wide open i am seeing the carnal side of me, and i dont like that person. thankfully i am also seeing how much i need grace in my life and i got to see the beautiful side of weakness, when god is made strong. im being brought, wooed back to my first love...litterally. my sweet sweet Jesus. i love Him so much, He loves me so much. i have missed this time that i am having with Him right now. my heart and spirit has longed for it, and im not sure why i didnt have it, but im glad that i am back to that place of longing for him, from such a deep place in my soul, my spirit. i was getting ready to go somewhere today, and as i looked in the mirror, i saw me for the first time in months. i told god that i wanted all the bad out, because it wasnt pretty or attractive. i want to have that glow about me again that says, im a lover, Jesus loves me. i got a hard shell around me in the last few months and i want that gone. i want to be soft. pliable, moldable, i want to look like Jesus. i want him. i realise that what i have been going thru is only the process of looking like Him more, which is the very thing that i have been pleading for, asking for, praying for...to look more like you Jesus. well for that to happen, anything that is deep in my heart that isnt of Him has to come out. and thankfully it has. but also thankfully that i am near Him again. i couldnt bare it any longer. i missed my best friend. i felt alone, but now i am by myself and feel completely accompanied by one who never left, and will never leave. i love you Jesus.
i love Holy Spirit.....omg...that is nice.