beauty in the breakdown

life is full of things that you have to grab hold of, and things that you have to let go of! but to determine what to do with which is the hardest part! you hear so often in life, well at least i do in my own. probably bc i am constantly telling myself these things, giving myself my own advice..."Priscilla chill right out". let it go, your not in control, trust Jesus, He has nothing but good things for you! seems simple right?!?!? yeh what the hell ever! that is the hardest thing to do in life, im convinced of it! some areas of my life it is easy, but alot of areas it is really hard! my issues seem to be bubbling over my layered wall i have built. and this is good bc that means that finally i am getting healing on the deeper issues of my life. but can i just tell you that it is hard! really hard. my life is suppose to look simple, fun and full of love. these are all the things i want to represent in my lifetime. SHe was fun to be around, laughed alot, loved more and she just was herself and wanted others to be ok with who they were as well! that is what i want in life. to be known for those things. so i am on a journey grabbing hold of those tiny nuggets that will build my life into those things. but alot in this journey there have been things in my life that would hinder me from living a life like this, whether it was from a childhood experience, family matters, friends, other relationships along the way...my own beliefs whatever the cause of the hinderance it is now time to let go of those things so i can fully be me! alive and well, full of laughter, joy, faith, hope and love! this is my destiny to be those things, not a certain place to occupy, or my status in the world. but to be "those things" in every place that my hearts takes its place, where ever i find myself..living to the fullest of who i am! i have to seriosuly grab hold of Jesus, my fist clinched tight, and then let go of everything else. no matter what it is, especially all the bad. to be fully whole, im letting go, i have to. Even if there is no justification in it, Jesus is my justice. now that seems all great that im writing this, but im walking thru it and it is really hard. it all started when i got back from africa, and it hasnt seem to stop! so im learning how to trust His amazing grace for my life to walk thru the hardest part. im letting go and realising even more that thier is beauty in the breakdown of it all.