courage

well yesterday in m deliriun state, i decided to watch "Braveheart" and as we all know that is such a classic movie for inspiration. Not really what I was after, i was just tired and put in the first movie I saw to unwind from the day. as i am watching the part where the father dies and has come to william wallace in a dream and he tells him "son you have a free heart, have the courage to follow it" and as i sat there in my state of no emotion, i knew that it went deep. i just couldnt react to it. but ive been thinking about it all day long and all night last night. that is what He has been trying to tell me for such a long time but i havent been listening to Him, ive been listening to others for thier approval. but the only approval i need is His. He created me a free heart, a free spirit, im not made like others, ive always been told that im different. i mean everone is different, but i seem to be a little more diifferent than the normal different person....abnormally different. but that is ok, i like it and apparently others do too. but that is it, i have been asking HS for the wrong things, well not wrong just not what i have needed at the moment. what i need is to be more courageous, i need more courage, to be more free and bold in my freedom. my heart is free, my spirit is free. it isnt gonna like the life that most parents would want for thier children but that would kill me and has been for the last 2 to 3 years. im still alive but my heart isnt as strong as it use to be. im excited. i decided that im still gonna live here in nashville, but im traveling for the next couple of months. im going to KC and then redding for a month and then to idaho, mexico, and amanda and i are going to europe. IM GOING TO ITALY!!!! people have told me not to go by myself, well u know what......I DONT F'N CARE ANYMORE. im doing it and i feel so excited. i had a prophetic word earlier in the year and it was that this year was a year that my desires would be fulfilled. and this is part of it. this has been a childhood dream, to follow where ever the wind, HS takes me. where ever my heart says to go. im going on a HS adventure. while im in the states, im taking the bus, that should be interesting. i thought it would be cheaper and i would meet alot of interseting people. i can wait for all the God encounters that are awaiting my arrival to experience Jesus....IM SO EXCITED. i leave around the 6 or 7 of July. what a great way to start the first part of being 26. WOW this is gonna be FUN...im expecting to learn alot, alot more about me and life. this is gonna be great.