Friday, June 30, 2006

i am yours

in my silence...all i can think is.. i am yours..i am yours..i am yours...even the tears that roll down my face dont express the passion, the love i feel, the desperation. it just doesnt do it justice.... i am yours.. i am yours. this morning has started early.. im getting recked. ive been recked since i woke up. in the last two weeks it has been a continual outpouring of being recked. and i just want more. i just want more. i am yours... that is all i want to say... i am yours.

i made my vows no turning round
i burn the bridges that can be found
i am yours

Thursday, June 29, 2006

devoted

i want people to get this. i dont like anyone but Jesus. He is all i want. im so in love with Him, so devoted to Him right now and only Him. He is all i want to be devoted to. He is all i want to concentrate on when it comes to a relationship that takes vulnerability. besides friends. but romantic relationships im just not interested. i just want Jesus as my husband. i want to answer to only Him. He is my life. i cant imagine anyone else being that for me right now, and the thought of it makes my heart sad. i just want Him. i just want Him. only He will do. I just love Him, I just love Him. my heart is so sick for the more of Him that it litterally hurts, but i cant help but to ask for more. i just want more. i cant even operate without Him, He is in my every thought. im consumed with Him, in my thoughts. silence is the only thing that even expresses it. bc there arent words to describe. I JUST WANT TO BE ABANDONED TO HIM. completely, totally, all of me, abandoned to Him. that is what i want my life to look like. the more i get of Jesus, the more i want, and the more i want to be with just Him forever. man doesnt He just do it for ya? i just love Him. i just do.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

swept away

God please help me... I need you so much more. i really do just WANT you and ONLY you. i want to be swept away with your love not living in this present state, but where you live. i wanna live where you live. i wanna be where you are.

my heart has been awaken by a love, im swept away
my heart has been awaken by a love, im swept away

this love takes me high
so high that i see what he sees
i hear what he hears

i choose to see,i choose to hear
i choose to see, i choose to hear
the heart of the broken
the face of the poor
the eyes of the desperate
the voice of the hungry and thirsty

the colors of every nation
this is the God i serve
the God of all creation

He brings hope to the hopeless
life to the dying
healing to the sick

my heart has been awaken by a love, im swept away
my heart has been awaken by a love, im swept away

this is my heart, i wanna be swept away by Him. u know people i really do know why paul said to live a life of being single. he was smart. i like it. i like my life like it is. i just want more, and i all i GET to concentrate on is HIM, and that is really quite spectacular. nothing, and i mean NOTHING COMPARES to Him. I am His. Just His and i like that.

i also wrote this song with mallory in mind. love ya girlie.

Monday, June 26, 2006

love

my heart has been awaken by a love that calls to me, it calls to me in the middle of the night, i hear it in the early morning, i hear it in the day, i hear it when my eyes are sleeping but my heart is awake. i hear it, it is so loud. it drowns out everything else. all i hear is priscilla, it is faint but when i listen closely it is so loud as if it has always been right next to me. and then i realize that it always has. my ear is tuned in to that call, that voice. i dont want to hear anything else just him. i love the way my name sounds when he says it, there is so much love in it. i cant contain this, that i feel for him. it is so much. i just want to live my life for and with him. nothing ever satisfies like he does. my heart, it is a constant yern for him. the more time i spend with him,the more i give him my heart, i just want more. i just want jesus. do you get it? do you see it? do you feel it? omg....i cant get enough....aaaaahhhhhhhh how is it so. how can my heart be so alive but dying at the same time. when im with him, im alive, but i feel like im dying. and this mixture of feelings , is a constant wave but i want more, i want more of him. i am on a constant wave of wanting more of him. each day it is more intense than the day before and i dont know how, bc each day seems so intense that it couldnt get any more intense but it is, and it does. i just need more. i just need more....

Sunday, June 25, 2006

ruined for only him

im ruined, completely totally forever. im ruined for more of him. all of a sudden how much i use to have doesnt satisfy. im not ashamed to say it, it doesnt, i need more. i am nothing without more of him in my life. what is wrong with being completely, radically, totally, wild, crazy, free for Jesus. who can say you love Jesus to much? no one. you, i cant love him enough. he loves me so much. i have jsut come out of this season of being like he loves me, knowing his love for me, well it is really a continual season of him showing me how much he loves me, but there is thing where i am being able to express, or not express my love for him bc it is so great. i feel like i am either going to die, or go to heaven. it is so physical that i have been not able to function very well. my every thought is i need more, i just love jesus, i just want more of him, i just love him. i am his and have no other desire to be anyone else's but his. he is mine, and i am his. i never thought i would be one of those "christians" that was married to jesus, saying he is my husband. but i am declaring that i am. my desire is for him and him alone. i perfer my sweet sweet jesus. none other, all things will fade, but he stays the same. HE STAYS THE SAME. he dosent change, he never leaves, he loves me. HE DOESNT CHANGE, HE STAYS THE SAME. he remains, when all else fails around you, you can count on him. i love him. i am glad that i am his. i really like being single and i perfer it right now and who knows maybe the rest of my life. whatever he wants bc right now i dont. i am glad that i belong to him.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

abandoned

here i am
with nothing left to give
heres my heart
so that i can live
abandoned, abandoned, abandoned to you
completely, totally, here is all of me
abandoned, abandoned, abandoned to you

heres my life
i give it away
deep crying out to deep
to live a life of love
wrecklessly abandoned
wrecklessly abandoned to you
abandoned abandoned abandoned to you
completely totally here is all of me

to live this life in love with you
this is my hearts desire
to live this life in love with you
burn my heart with fire

abandoned abandoned abandoned to you
abandoned abandoned abandoned to you

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

here i am

i remember the first glance, i remember the first romance, i remember the first dance when i fell in love with you. everyday this desire for the more of him and only him grows stronger and i dont know how to explain this. he is my first love, my true love and i need him and want him more than i have ever come to know. the last week i have been getting wrecked. it is like since saturday it has been a continualy thing of just where-ever i am, hs comes and i am getting more and more ruined for him. i love hs and i love what he does in my life. i feel this excitement for what is about to happen and i dont even know what that is. i just know that it looks like more of him and anything that has to do with the more of him is amazing. im ready hs, im ready jesus come and take me, use me do whatever you want, whatever that looks like i am completely abandoned to you. my answer is YES. i have come to far. my answer is yes, what is it that you want. here i am. tell me. jesus i am yours, your lover, your bride, yours and only yours. here i am.

Monday, June 19, 2006

more than enough

what is brudding inside of me? omg ... im not even sure. i do know this...im so frekin excited about seeing misty edwards on the weekend of the first of july. that is my bday gift to myself, i will get to see her live, i will get more of jesus and i personally couldnt ask for a better bday gift. he is all i need and at this moment all i want. i just wnat and need him and all i desire everything else seems so miniskul in comparison to what he is in my life. i just want him. he is enough, way more than enough. i love him. i need him. i want him. my heart, soul and spirit says yes. he is coming for me and i will be waiting. i am waiting for him. the more of him. im waiting in the middle of the night, i wait for him. i yurn for him.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

YES

what is happening? my heart is full and about to explode but my expressions of it dont satisfy. i dont know what happened today it was totally unexpected. i woke thinking i was going to hang out at fidos with mal and laura and it would be a fun day chillin with people that i love. but hs showed up which is even better. what was it, what changed the atmosphere? im not sure but it has forever changed. a question was asked tonight that reigns in my life but tonight the question carried weight more than normal. i answered with out knowing what i was asked? i just said yes not having a clue what i said yes too. but i am sure that whatever it is, it is worth it. i know that the cost is worth seeing his face. my heart and soul, my spirit says yes. i dont have to see it to do it, to walk it out. all i have to see is the next step, just where his light shines, where his heart is burning. that is all i have to know. i remember back in school of ministry i was asking papa what should my five yr vision be? bc we were told we should have one. and he said " priscilla why are you worrying about tomorrow when you dont even know what is going to happen today? if you follow my leading in the moment, in the second, it will take you to the hour which will take you to your next day and that will lead you to the next week and that to your destiny." and i am realizing that it is ok to not know what my life is suppose to look like, i think maybe if i knew all that was gonna happen maybe i wouldnt do it bc fear of man. im not suppose to know it, and you know what neither are you. we just follow as he leads. it is a god way to practice listening and hearing him. and you know what i like it that way. all i need to know is where is he going? bc i want to be with him where he is. where ever that is, i want to be there, right there beside him hand in hand. you know mal, laura and i were talking about alot of stuff today and we were talking about how the season that we are in, this life, we would almost perfer being single bc we realize that he is more than enough. i love him so much i cant even think about anything else, he consumes my mind, my heart, my soul and my spirit. and although it is all consuming i still want more and realize my need of more in my life on a daily basis. all i have is silence. nothing can express it, nothing, my heart is overwhelmed. i just need more. i just want more. my answer is YES a resounding YES. whatever the cost YES.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

listening?

well over the last couple of hours I have realized that I am not a very good listener. HS tells me things and I have this overwhelming feeling that it is Him but yet I dont listen b/c I want to do what I think is best. I hate that. man I need so much more of Him in my life. I need to listen better, hear HIm better. yeh I am realizing that I really do suck. I hope that inspite of my suckiness, He continues to still trust me. I know that He will. but it is kinda a harsh moment when u realize that He has no reason to but He always will. I guess that is why I love Him. I love Him and always will. Papa, HS, Jesus I love you and I am glad that you love me and trust me inspite of myself.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

being released

im sitting at Fidos in the village. i wanted to sit outside but all the seats are taken. this morning mal and i woke up at 11:15 which is unheard of for us. we are usually up at 7 on a good day. i woke up with this extremely large desire for more of Jesus in my life. i need Him so much. i have so many issues and they need to be dealt with. it is funny how i go thru seasons of life seeming to be void of issues not that i dont think that i dont have any during that season it is just that they arent being dealt with. and maybe it is just that i dont have the energy to deal with and dont want to. but here I am in another season, the beginning season but another one none the less, of issues coming up, my heart being dealt with. it is so painful, well not so much painful as draining. but you know no matter what the cost is, i want more of Him in my life and that looks like dealing with my crap to get more then that is what I will do. b/c if nothing else it is worth it, that is, more of HIm is worth it. i really just want more of Him. im not sure what that looks like but i know that i have to find it. i cant sit and slumber any more. im dying the me that is suppose to live is dying. there is so much more and i dont want to live complacent anymore, i dont want to live with an apathetic attitude anymore. i dont want to just sit in an enviroment that isnt pursuing the more of Him in thier personal life, not in a corporate setting. im tired of ministry and what people say it is suppose to look like. im tired of living a safe life. i want to be dangerous for Him, i want the enemy to fear me and who I am in Him. i have to have more. i was created to be more than what i am, to be dangerous for Him. i dont know how to get more but I am determined to find out. my heart is crying out and it is so loud and silent at the same time. HOW? I NEED MORE... it is wrenching in my heart, i cant explain what is happening right now. i dont know how to articulate it. this is a time when my words cant, my expressions cant tell what it is that is happening. it is more than a feeling or an emotion. it goes so much deeper.

JESUS IS COMING...i feel as if i dont let this out that i might implode, and letting it out i will explode. but eitherway it has to be released.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

courage

well yesterday in m deliriun state, i decided to watch "Braveheart" and as we all know that is such a classic movie for inspiration. Not really what I was after, i was just tired and put in the first movie I saw to unwind from the day. as i am watching the part where the father dies and has come to william wallace in a dream and he tells him "son you have a free heart, have the courage to follow it" and as i sat there in my state of no emotion, i knew that it went deep. i just couldnt react to it. but ive been thinking about it all day long and all night last night. that is what He has been trying to tell me for such a long time but i havent been listening to Him, ive been listening to others for thier approval. but the only approval i need is His. He created me a free heart, a free spirit, im not made like others, ive always been told that im different. i mean everone is different, but i seem to be a little more diifferent than the normal different person....abnormally different. but that is ok, i like it and apparently others do too. but that is it, i have been asking HS for the wrong things, well not wrong just not what i have needed at the moment. what i need is to be more courageous, i need more courage, to be more free and bold in my freedom. my heart is free, my spirit is free. it isnt gonna like the life that most parents would want for thier children but that would kill me and has been for the last 2 to 3 years. im still alive but my heart isnt as strong as it use to be. im excited. i decided that im still gonna live here in nashville, but im traveling for the next couple of months. im going to KC and then redding for a month and then to idaho, mexico, and amanda and i are going to europe. IM GOING TO ITALY!!!! people have told me not to go by myself, well u know what......I DONT F'N CARE ANYMORE. im doing it and i feel so excited. i had a prophetic word earlier in the year and it was that this year was a year that my desires would be fulfilled. and this is part of it. this has been a childhood dream, to follow where ever the wind, HS takes me. where ever my heart says to go. im going on a HS adventure. while im in the states, im taking the bus, that should be interesting. i thought it would be cheaper and i would meet alot of interseting people. i can wait for all the God encounters that are awaiting my arrival to experience Jesus....IM SO EXCITED. i leave around the 6 or 7 of July. what a great way to start the first part of being 26. WOW this is gonna be FUN...im expecting to learn alot, alot more about me and life. this is gonna be great.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

come away with me

well here I am in redding after a great dinner with Danny and Sheri, man o man how I miss them. We just had a talk about life destiny aannndddddd..... who's life and destiny were we talking about, well mine of course. questions such as are u married yet or on your way to be married? what are you doing with your life, where is your life going? I should always be prepared for such questions they are always asked when u go back home. people want to know but they are questions u are trying to answer yourself, well obviously i dont have the answer to those questions or you would see the fruit of it. there is so much im realizing in this weekend. i have tried to find approval from peeps that i love and value in my life but the only person I need to have approval from is HS. THAT IS IT. dont get me wrong i want a blessing but I am not waiting for life to begin, for someone to come and tell me "priscilla you need to be doing this or that" I dont have the time to waste. im tired of people telling me to get a regular job and be responsible, what they think is responsible. and at the same time they say "do what makes you come alive" well let me tell you that a job that ties me down to a a life that has no purpose is not what makes me come alive. do you want to know what makes me come alive, people that are hurt, broken, the children that are hungry and prostitues that need Jesus, people who are hungry to know the more of God in thier life, people who arent willing to settle for the everyday norm, people who are searching for what is real. that atmosphere is what makes me come alive. i dont want to be part of a church movement, i want to be part of a God movement, part of a people that are so sold out for Jesus that thier life is nothing to consider for the cost. what makes me come alive is people that need love. what makes me come alive is following my heart and following HS. the only thing I am responsible for is being obedient to HS, is doing what He asks me to do. what makes me come alive is being a part of, in the middle of what HS is doing. THAT IS WHAT MAKES ME COME ALIVE!!!

I have been doing what I thought HS should want me to do and not what He really wants me to do. I felt like He asked me a question today, He said will you come away with me? and i said yes, no matter what this looks like, i will follow you, I will come away with you HS, what do you want me to do? I feel like im moving somewhere, although Im not sure where yet, i think that it will be out of the country and Im excited. Im waiting for Him to tell me where, or maybe He is waiting for me to tell Him where. where ever it may be im sure that divine appointment will happen, im sure that He will create opportunity for Himself to show up and be made known to the world. Im sure that this is it.







i hear you calling my name when i least expect it
i hear you calling my name when I least deserve it
i hear you calling my name come away with me

i fee l the love in your eyes when i least expect it
i feel the love in your eyes when i least deserve it
i feel the love in your and its washing me clean eyes come away with me

come and dance a dance with me
come and dance a dance with me a dance of freedom

come and sing a song with me
come and sing asong with me a song of freedom

come and live a life with me
come and live a life with me a life of freedom

come away with me
come away with me