the park

today is such a beautiful day. i went to the park and just laid in the grass listening to a little casa de davi on my newly arrived ipod. it was amazing, i fell asleep for about 30 minutes, basquing in the sun. it was warm, it was beautiful. vange finally has gotten home, thank God. no,seriously. it was the most dispictable thing ever, they were gone for over a week. how disgusting especially in my last 2 weeks of being here. i told her that was never to happen again. anyways that has been my day so far, not very eventful, but very lovely.

nightly ritual

well my new nightly ritual for the next few nights...killing all the freakin chiggers and bugs i got from a freakin corn maze. uh, can i say what the hell was i thinking? the guy that i went with left me, way to pick'em cilla! and not only that, i was in the corn maze by myself for about 30 minutes, in the middle of no where, and im sure all the psychos that come out to corn mazes.... geez i tell ya. anyways, finally after wondering around lost in the maze i finally found my way out, went staright to my car itching every part of my body that exsisted, and off to take a shower and watching an inspiring movie of xmen. yep that is right. that is how i decided to finish my friday night. guys arent worth it i have decided, where are all the men? huh huh ? i mean seriously, he left me. he invited me out there and then left me. what a gentlmen. and because i laugh alot, and make most things light and breezy, he thought that he would laugh about it and that i would laugh too, and think nothing of it. what has happened to all the chivalrist men? anyways, i guess it is a good thing i move in a week. it makes me glad that i am single, at least i could go to a corn maze by myself, or even with girlfriends and they wouldnt leave me. i mean really what is up with that. and actually the truth of it is this, i left way before he did. but he didnt know that. he thought he was leaving me. what a jerk.
o, well... at least i can say that i have officially been in a corn maze. i asked the guys running it, what is i get lost and cant come out? they were like o, we would just find you in the morning. seriously guys are poopie.

where you go i'll go

Where you go I go

What you say I say

What you pray I pray

What you pray I pray


Jesus only did what he saw you do

He would only say what he heard you speak

He would only move when he felt you lead

Following your heart following your spirit


How could I expect to walk without you

When every move that Jesus made was in surrender

I will not begin to live without you

For you alone are worthy and you are always good

Though the world sees and soon forgets

We will not forget who you are and what you’ve done for us

experience england in america

well today trying to prepare for my move to "the wonderful country of sheep and grassy knolls." (insert british accent) i decided that i would do something to get use to a new way, that is about to surround me. I decided to drive on the other side of the road which in america would be considered "the wrong side of the road". I thought it would be catchy and trendy, since america is all about the "in thing", i thought maybe i could start something and people would follow. well guess what i was mistaken. people started honking at me, giving me the finger, cursing at me. Why? all i was doing was trying to start a trend, but nnnnooooo, temper, temper! geez, people are so tempermental. so just as a side note, people dont ever drive like you are in great brit. peeps dont like it.

sad

today was good but very sad. for the last 2 years dave and peggy have poured into my life. they believed in me, they saw my heart when it felt like no one around me did. they cheered me on through the hard part of the last 2 years. i went out to thier house to take to them to the airport. it was seriously the most beautiful day. actually it was perfect. my favorite kind of days. the sun was out, about 75 degrees, and the wind blowing. my favorite days. i dropped them off today and as i hopped out of the van, we said our goodbyes, hugged and i cried. you see today they left for israel and they wont be back for a month. and i leave in 2 weeks and wont be back for a really long time, actually im not sure when im coming back. that made me sad. i love them, alot. im excited about going because i know that i am about to pour my life out for what i was created and born to do, and that is love. but still im really going to miss the people, the relationships in my life. I love them. i really really do. dave and peggy have a special place in my heart. when i think of them my heart smiles.

long awaited

for five months now i have been waiting for this. today brings a special gift, so special that even just writing about it makes my eyes tear up. when i look at these pictures, my heart sinks with compassion, with love and with a sadness that makes me stop breathing. but also i see beauty. i see a sweetness of life, i people who are starving for love, and i feel compelled to give it to them. look at this mans eyes. i want to hug him. these are pictures that were taken on a friends journey to pakistan, afganistan, peru, and the rest of the world. when i saw them, i started crying, im not sure why, but i wept for the people. i love them and i have never even met them. but really that is what i feel for them, love. and i cant explain it. i will continue the series of pictures until they are done. i hope that you will be able to enjoy and get as much out of them as i have.

Jesus

Lord im not sure what you are doing or what this will look like. all i know is that it never looks like what i think that it is going to look like. i dont wanna go with heels dragging and fists clinching. i wanna say yes, i will go where you go and i will say what you say and pray what you pray. im dying, im dying good. the more faith im asked to have, the more this death happens. by the time this is over, there wont be any of me left, and im sure that is exactly how you want it to be. whatever the call looks like, even if it is something i wasnt expecting. i want my heart to be good, i want to say yes. papa, im leaving in two weeks. you are the only thing i have. im depending on you to come thru, as you do so well. im trusting in you, im calling on you Jesus. Jesus, heal me. heal me. heal me, im depending on you, im hoping in you, Jesus. this is my heart, take it. take care of it, guard it with your life, oh wait a sec. you already did. haha silly me. Jesus, i love you so much. i know that at the end of the day, in the midnight, in the noon day, you are good. i know that at any moment you are good. you are good. you are good. you are good.


i leave in 13 days. tonight i had dinner with friends. it made me sad to think that in two weeks when i leave, i wont be able to just call mal up and say hey. i love you. just to hear her voice, and make me laugh. or to say hey wann meet me at fidos on saturday? or during church on sunday, hey mal want get some starbucks? there wont be times to call lauren and tell her to answer her phone and quit screening my calls. haha. ah and yes the dreaded calypso cafe with ashtown which isnt dreaded anymore since out new favorite server gives me free food bc he thinks im cute, good ol' ted. o, and lareasa, girl well so far, all our late night talks. that will be missed for sure and getting to play you my song on the piano, which i am so good at playing. haha. anyways, it was fun hanging with you girls tonight. i will def. miss you like crazy. look at the bright side at least you guys wont get in as much trouble. hahaha!!!

delirious?

this is the little boy i have been watching for the last year. his name is Kade. im going to miss this little rascal. he loves me. and i love him.


I have just downloaded the newest delirious cd. omg, this song is seriously rockin my face off. wow, when he starts singing about God being, Holy. im getting recked. this is amazing, and i get to see them when i get to london. this song is holy. it will make you wanna get on your face before God. Because He is Holy.

I’m waiting here for my life to change,
When the waters stir you can rearrange me.
Just one touch is all I need,
I’ve nothing much but the wounds I feel,
I’m looking for the hand of the miracle man.

Holy, you are holy,
Who was and is and is to come.
Holy, you are holy, Saviour, Healer,
I’m standing at the feet of the miracle maker.

I’m holding on, with your life in mine,
Living water’s come,
And you’ve rearranged me.

Holy you are holy,
Who was and is and is to come.
Holy, you are holy,
Saviour, healer,
I’m staring in the face of the miracle maker.

Holy, you are holy,
Who was and is and is to come.
Jesus, precious Jesus,
Thank you, Saviour,
I’m walking in the shoes of my miracle maker.
I’m standing with the faith of a miracle maker.

Donald

i walk in open the door and a strange but sweet voice says to me. Hi miss, you surely look pretty today. i smile, nod politely and say thanks. his hair messy, a hardees t shirt on that has greese stains on it, coke bottle glasses that are to big for his face and half way down his nose like my gran use to wear. his jeans are old and faded, and tennis shoes on that are probably as old as him. but, as this gentle giant sat across from me, he starts asking me questions. it doesnt take anyone long to figure out that he is mentally slow and physically. im sure to eveyone else that has come into the door, had found him quite annoying and obnoxious. i sit and wait for my name to be called, im getting my teeth cleaned, and a bit nervous as to what they are going to say i need done. but as i sat there i talked to this man who was really intelligent, you could tell all though slow he retained everything he saw and heard, much like a 5 year old. we sat and talked about music, animals, his parents, his step family, why he lived here, how long he lived here, we talked about church, that was funny. i asked him questions and he asked me questions. as our conversation continued, i wanted to hug him, he told me "did you know that you are one of God's greatest creations ever made". tears overcame my heart. i really wanted to cry, I knew God loved me, and He uses the least of these to express His goodness, but really donald isnt the least he is the greatest. He has such a good heart, and it was full of love for everyone that walked in the room. He had something positive to say to everyone that walked in. He didnt care, He was just wanting to express his love, you know donald told me that i was "one of Gods greatest creations" about 4 times or more. and really what i think is that "donald you are one of God's greatest creations ever made". he didnt see what they looked like, it didnt matter if they were unattractive or not, he saw the good. no he saw the greatness. i was inspired today. i was inspired to be more like that. i wanna be more like donald, i wanna have a heart that is full of love for every person. I dont wanna see the outside, i wanna see the inside, i wanna see where God lives in every person. i saw a glimpse of Jesus today thru the eyes of a mentally retarded man. im sure most who looked on him did not, but i saw Jesus and as usual it was the most beautiful display of goodness that i have seen.

fire

im not even in africa! i havent even stepped off of american soil, and i feel like im being stripped once again. i feel like another layer is coming off, but this time it is a big layer, it is a deep layer. my heart is being exposed. my life is being transformed. it hurts good. im realizing how selfless im not. im full of myself and that has to die. im realizing that i live for myself way to much and the Lord is burning that out of me. About two or three weeks ago i started to feel this burning in my body. it started in my stomach and now it is going all over. and i realized that it was God burning me with His holy fire. being purified, sanctified. it might not feel that great, but it is good and very much needed for what my life is suppose to look like. I thought that when i went to africa that this is what id be getting, but it has started already. im glad that i serve a God that is good. He is only what He can be and that is good. i believe that when we have told God " God i wanna burn with your fire, your spirit, your passion, i wanna burn for you" he takes us serious. He is God of His word. He is a God of covenant. He is God. so i have prayed that prayer a million times, and He has taken me up on it, and contiunes to. Im glad that He does, at whatever the cost I wanna look like Him. and here is the thing about that, it wont be pretty. im sure that it will be messy, but im sure that it will worth it. totally raw, totally real, totally me( a better me).

He is

isnt this picture beautiful? i will agree with myself. Yes, priscilla it is amazingly beautiful. What a beautiful God that we serve. today while driving a had a moment of awe. a moment that made me stop and truly worship God. a moment that was revelatory of His goodness on another level. He is just good. He is just good. He is beautiful. He is majestic. He is inspiring. He is magnificent. He is full of joy. He is my rock. He is funny. He is my stability. He is my best friend. He is the love of my life. He just is. He makes me smile. He fills me with gladness where ever I am. and i love that. I love him. He moves me to compassion, tears, and to love.

two things

this is katieann and i. today i get this hilarious phone call from her telling me she is love with this guy for me, bc she wants me to met him. haha she is so funny.

ok here is the deal. when i found out that i was going to africa I asked the Lord for a few things. not bc i needed them but bc i wanted them. an ipod was one of them and also a digital camera. that was just two of a list of things. so today at church after worship this amazing woman comes up to me and tells me that she wants to buy me something for my trip so what was it, well an ipod of course. so im so excited. Jesus is amazing and im getting excited and yeh. so on that note, im going to hang out with Jesus. i need Him right now.

how fun

well i believe that my car has been secretly preparing me for africa. haha. it is easily 120 degrees in my car in the middle of summer, you try that without air conditioning. haha. my body is use to the smell. hahaha, that made me laugh so hard, that the people around me were like what are you laughing at? i didnt tell them though. but for you guys, read it and weep, i mean laugh. anyways the real reason im writing is this. Laura(the other girl in the pic) and I are going to have an amazing time while im in london before africa. she has planned a mini vacay. im so excited. so i arrive in london, we hang for a bit then we are off to see delirious, that is rockin my boat for sure, i love them. then we wiz off a bit to wales(hopefully) and to the beach where 700 people were martyred, Jesus must show up there alot. we are going to get an impartation. then we are going to see the sites, the people, the beauty. we are back in london area for a wee bit, then off to germany to herhut. we are going to the church where the 100 year prayer movement happened with the moravians. im excited about that, the presence of God that must be in that place. wow! and then im back for a day, then off to africa. wow, this will be amazing. im so excited. my life is changing. I will never be the same. Jesus is rockin me alot right now. It was interesting, this morning i met with a friend that i havent seen in 2 years and we talked, had some laughs but it was amazing to see how much i have changed and where i have stayed the same. Im glad that im different but also im me. so i just wanted to really write about my upcoming adventure.

IT IS DONE

well it is really happening. im leaving. as of last night i have purchased my flights but one. i leave nashville at 2:30 on october 9th. im so excited. i just talked to laura and she told me of all the plans while i am there. im so excited. OMG...this is really happening. im so excited im about to come out of my skin. litterally. so yeh, that is amazing.

IM REALLY DOING IT. JESUS LOVES ME.

I LOVE HIM.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

family and friends

as im preparing to leave the country for an extended period of time(meaning i dont know when im coming back), my heart felt something. it was bitter-sweet for sure. i started to think of things, people relationships that im gonna miss in my life on a daily basis. Im so blessed to have the people in my life that I do. for the last 7 years these people have helped to shape and mold who i am and who i am becoming. Whether it was encouragement or correction, it has all brought life to me. im so grateful to be blessed with the jewels of people i know. there has been such a strong impact in my life by these people that i would never be able to express with words my gratitude. thank you for loving me, even in the moments of being totally and completely spastic and dramatic. thru you i have learned how to love and be loved. and in return im giving all that i have recieved away. to the poor, the oppressed, the hurting, needy and dying, to the orphaned from young to old. this is the life i was created to live and now it is time for me to go. so i just wanted to say to: my mom- you are truly an inspiration to me for faith. your life of faith has prepared me for this very moment, this very thing i was created for to believe and know God. thanks I love you. Vange- what can i say, you are so amazing, truly where ever you go life is created, i want to be more like you. you know, people say we are alot alike. hahaha, but really. Dave and Peggy-wow, you guys saw gold when there wasnt any. i know that i have been in your hearts and prayers and that you truly love me, and i feel so honored to have you gyus love me like that. it makes me feel special. Bill and Beni- uh, what can i say. you guys took me into your home when i was a complete and total mess. that took courage. haha. im glad you did. that was the first time i experienced the Father's heart. Danny and Sheri- well i truly dont know how to express what i learned from you guys. but one thing that i walked away with is what family is suppose to look like. healthy communication and that you love me no matter what. and that i have the biggest crocodile tears you have ever seen. haha. Katieann- i learned that if you were a guy, we would have gotten married. haha. but you have brought more joy and laughter to my life than any one person. i have the biggest heart for you and im so glad that you are my bestest friend ever. i cant wait to see where life has brought us in another 5 years. WOW! we have been best friends for that long. and half of it we have lived on other sides of the country. well now im going on the otherside of the world, but have no fear my arm is here. why i oughta! haha. i love you so freakin much, im sure you will never know. Mallory- I LOVE YOUR FACE, COME HOME SOON!!!! HAHA really though, im glad that God put you in my life. we have many adventures to be had in God, get ready.

this is what im going to miss: nights like this picture.

Lauren: you making me feel funny. and making me laugh.

Josh: your love

Causer: the park

Colin: teasing you that you like me

other things i will miss:
shake's

backstreet boys: they have loved me so much, sorry boys i gotta leave, life is calling me.

conferences(syke, haha)

nieces and nephews

other than that, that is pretty much it. im ready to go.

AWESOME!!!!

that is it.

im realizing that my hearts breaks for people more easily than i thought. even now as i sit beside this guy who barely has the use of his arms, i wanna cry. Lord does he know what life is about? does he know? does he know that he is loved. although people throughout his life im sure have told him otherwise, the world has mocked him and made fun of him, does he know that even though all that has happened that he is loved?

today i sat with my good friend Chris as he started telling me the story of the last years of what Papa has been doing in his life. i started to cry on two different occasions. He got it, He got what life is about. one thing and that is love. my heart cries for two reasons, for the people that get it, tears of joy. and for those that dont, tears of a breaking heart. i feel that im starting to feel papa's heart all the time for people, the cry of my heart is to know His heart for everyone. i wanna know it, feel it. i dont want to hide from love whatever that looks like. i want to be completely available to love where ever i am no matter what the cost. i have said this before and i will say it again, love will cost me everything, it will cost my life. but just to experience it for a brief moment, it is worth it. it is worth it. i might not know alot, but i do know this, love is worth it, every bit of it, it is worth it. im sure at times i will get it wrong, but i will spend my life trying. that is what it is all about to be loved and to love. that is it.

if i could be known for one thing besides being funny, I want to be known for love. i want to love and love deep with no walls, no hindrances. just love without expectation of anything in return. just love. that is it, just love.

never ending goodness

africa sunsets, something that is neverending, like its beauty. I put this picture up bc it made me think of God's goodness and how it is never ending. can i just tell you all about the goodness of my God, My Daddy. I am so loved and have the favor of God on my life. Today I woke with a sense, a knowing that God's goodness was going to prevail. His soverignty will reign, will rule. After church today God provided, actually it was already done before that, it just manifested today. My school, my flights are completely paid for. God did it all. He is so good. as of thursday i had nothing, none of the money and had no idea where it was going to come from. 3 days later, here i am with all of it taken care of. My GOD is GOOD. all the time, He is faithful, and doesnt know how to do anything else. How good is My God? THAT GOOD, AND BETTER. He is even better than that, and better than that. His goodness is never ending. It is a continual thing just like time, it just goes on and on and on forever. It never ends.

hhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa
hhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa

He is just that good.

wonderful

well last night was as beautiful as the smile on my niece. some amazing people who believe in me and the journey im about to embark on, gave me a thousands dollars towards my adventures in Jesus. loving the poor, the opressed, seeing Jesus in every person that I come into contact with. God is so good, why do we ever doubt him. last night as i sat there recieving what these freinds of mine were telling me and giving me, i heard of testimony after testimony of God's goodness and how it never fails. He never fails us. that is amazing. also my amazing friend laura calls me to tell me that we are going to germany for a penny. that was how much our flight cost. how ridiculious is that. i got so drunk yesterday off of God's goodness. even now it makes me laugh, it is comical, His goodness, i just get wasted thinking of it right now. His goodness is so full, that you cant help but to get wasted off of it, bc it is direct fruit of His love. His love is truly better than wine.

lyrics from one of my new favorite songs

no place to move no place to run
no place to hide from love
you know you're all i want now

Picture perfect

today was a day of a life that is picture perfect. a perfect world in the goodness of God. isnt God good? the answer to that is always yes. He is a God of provision, a God that is soverign, a God that is faithful. He is God, and tha is good.

i saw, i see, i am

i saw the soverignty of God. im seeing the face of God in the eyes of a child forgiving. i am seeing that anything and everything is possible. im seeing life in everything that is set in my path. im seeing beauty in all things. i am beginning to understand how important it is that my mind set is so emersed with the thoughts of God for me to live the life that i was created for. im realizing that the things around me i see, im responsible for. what i hear, what i see and what i do. im realizing that their is life in my words and death. that what i say affects the atmosphere forever. the power of my words, the power of believing. if i believe that this life that i live, was only created just to worship the creator, to love what was created, all things, and then see the fruit of that love. then that is a life worth living. faith, hope and love right? and the greatest of these is love. love is the greatest power in life. it surpasses anything else. God is love. love has the power to change anything. you cant run from it, you cant escape, it will catch you. love is everywhere, it is all throughout creation, everything that was created was created out of love. creativity can only come out of love. and if God is love and we are created in His image than we are nothing less than love. that is why we crave love, that is why it awakens the heart, the depths of your soul, it touches a place that you cant understand, bc it is the very essence of your being. you are love, i am love. we are love. if we tap into that, imagine how we can change the world around us. love, it is simple but the most powerful. that is it. just love.

faith

i feel like my entire life leading up to this moment has prepared me for what the rest of my life will look like. i have grown up in a home with a parent that taught us that faith, faith in God's goodness was the only thing we have to lean on, and it wont fail us in life. it is the only solid foundation that is strong enough to carry us through anything. i grew up with many times hearing my mom telling us to pray and believe for rent, food and clothes, bc we didnt have it. and then a random check in the mail, random groceries appear on our door, bags of clothes would be given to us. these were the testimonies of Jesus we have to tell. i have often thought that it was easy to believe, that when you have faith that you just believe, that it isnt hard, but as im writing this, im remembering what a good friend told me. the only fight we have to fight is the good fight of faith. the fight to believe. if the enemy can make us doubt, he can take out idenity in who we are, if we dont know who we are, we arent a threat. we arent dangerous to him. but to believe that He is good, that His word will prevail, His soverign word will overrule. He is faithful. He just is. that is a scary thing to our enemy. he doesnt want us to believe that our God, the God who spoke the world into exsistence can do anything, and absolutely everything is possible. i know what Papa has told me. im going to africa, my life is about to change so drastically even more so then now. and i just have to trust and believe...have faith that God will do what He says, bc he doesnt know how to lie. I love Him so much, more today then i did yesterday and more now, then in the last moment. i love Him more and more, the more i get to know Him.

Im going to africa...now i just need some serious fasting and prayer to release the finances. haha gooooooo Jesus.

so the word for today and everyday....just believe.

it will hurt you more to not believe than it will to believe.

strange night

3:30am
i wake with someone's hand around the back of my neck. it was so real that i couldn t move. all that i remember is that i was in a dream walking with some friends to the house that i am currently in( it was present day in the dream) and i couldnt find my keys in my dream, and out of nowhere someone jumped out and grabbed me by the back of the neck, trying to kill me. when i woke up, i could still feel someone's hand around my neck. so i wasnt sure if i should get up and look or just stay there.

4 something am
i wake up to hearing the sound very audibly of a clock ticking: tick tick tick tick
there isnt a clock that ticks anywhere in the house. so i asked the Lord what is that? He said it was time. time for what? i asked, i just heard it was time. i didnt go back to sleep until after 5am, i heard someone in the house but i wasnt sure if was or just my imagination.

i had some other dreams, but i know they were for me to be praying for that person. it was interesting to say the least. i wanna know what he was saying it was time for?

baptize my heart

im realizing how easy it is for us to follow closely. in a day, it can happen. something switched a couple of weeks ago. i was taken to a new level. if im not in my word daily, knowing the truth daily, the temptations are going to be more tempting. easier to fall. before it didnt seem to matter, i guess where i was, it didnt seem to affect me as much if i wasnt in the word. but as of late it is really affecting me. i guess maybe bc im stepping into places where the reality of evil is much more prevelant. i must stay in the word, on my face before Him. if i dont it wont be pretty.

i was reading in james last night and this morning. James 1:13-14

it is talking about dont let anyone say he is being tempted by God when temptaion comes. and then proceeds to say that each man is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.

the word lust there means desire, a longing.
which i thought interesting. we hear a teaching that our desires are from God, but obviously they all arent. bc following all of them can lead you into sin. this is for me, im preaching to myself here. ive been thinking about this alot lately, how many times have i wanted something that wasnt of Papa. a ton. i believe that when we are so emmersed in the presence of God that His desires become our desires and our desires become His desires bc our hearts become one with His. I serve a great God and He knows best all the time, i dont.

baptize my heart with your fire, desire come and
baptize my heart with your fire, desire come and
i dont be offended, no i dont want to be offended
i dont be offended, no i dont want to be offended
when its all coming down.

baptize my heart with your fire, desire come and
baptize my heart with your fire, desire come and
baptize my heart with your fire, desire
i dont be offended, no i dont want to be offended
i dont be offended, no i dont want to be offended

the only safe place is in the center of the flame
the only only safe place is in you

everywhere

omg...the Lord is showing me His soverignity day after day. He is so freakin big. the God that created the universe, spoke the world into exsistence LOVES ME. how freaking cool is that. i just wanna stay in His presence all the time and the good thing about that desire is that it can happen. He is constantly reminding me of His goodness. im sitting here and im smiling at the soverignty of His unfailing goodness. in the last 2 weeks or so, well really all th time but more so in the last few weeks than normal, i have realized how super small and how unqualified i am, and how i am all wrong for what im about to do. but that makes me smile. that makes me laugh bc that means that God has to show up. it is amazing how in our weakness, well admitting our weakness brings strength. and that in our weakness our God is strong. He gets to be Him. He gets to do what He does best and that is be God. I love it.

last night i went down to the foundry. and Bob Jones was speaking and it was so good. He said exactly what me, Laura and Lareasa have been talking about. It was crazy and i realized that I needed some serious deliverance. hahaha o, dear God help me. haha. well i guess all that will come in time. im excited about going to africa and some of my issues that i was having, not with africa, but some things that could potentially come up, i did feel leave yesterday. Laura, you know what I am talking about. i got delivered last night from it. it is amazing really. i feel free in that area. It is funny how there is a fear of deliverance, afraid a demon will come out that i didnt know i had and make a scene. hahahha but once delivreance happens, you are free. so although im afraid, i still do it. hahaha