im not sure

what is happening? im not sure. i dont know yes, and i dont know no. im floating somewhere in between and im not familiar with that. im usually such and all or nothing type of person. so to be in limbo is so unfamiliar. i like the idea of it, and maybe possibly im interested in this person, but i dont know. i thought that was interested but now im not so sure. we have talked alot and hung out a few times, one date. i just dont know. not like that is something uncommon in my life, im not sure about alot of things. the only thing im completely sure about is God's love for me. i know that beyond any shadow of any doubt. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. im for sure about that. i need to know more right now that you love me Jesus. i need to know that no matter what happens that you love me. i need peace, i need grace. i need your love more right now than i have ever known before. i need to know that. i feel very vulnerable and very weak. i feel that the place that i am in, i can go two different ways. i can either get completley swept off my feet by a man, or be completely hard and build walls that no one but God could knock down. and i dont know which way that i want to go. i know that love is worth the risk of getting your heart broken, and that in the end it will all work out. but i also know that it hurts like hell and there are no guarantees when it comes to situations like this. life has proven it. im scared to put my heart out there again, but i think that it has already started on a path of its own. how do i get in these places. i have serious issues. i really do. i need alot of healing and a lot of love. a lot more than what i have now. i need more of Jesus in my life. i feel desperate for Him but im not sure of how i go about getting more of Him. im not sure how to do anything right now. im just not sure.

i miss me.

i feel sad today. i was fine until about an hour ago. i talked to someone that i shouldnt have. when i was in africa i wanted to be here, well kinda, i take that back. but i did miss it. and now that im here, there is no satisfaction in it. im happy, but there seems to be something missing. maybe it is my heart. maybe that is what is missing. my heart. im trying to find it again. i read blogs over that i have written from years ago, journal entries in my many of journals. im looking for something to remind me of what my heart use to be, where is it. i miss my heart. and for the most part i do live from my heart, but there is a piece that is missing. and i need to find it. is it in the area of romance, maybe, im not sure. is it in the area of trusting my heart, probably. i really use to trust my heart. but now, after trusting it and then being hurt so badly by it, im not sure that i can. i want to so badly, really bad actually. i use to come alive talking about relationships, because that is what life is about. now, i just feel hurt. i dont like that. i need Jesus to come in and heal this part of my heart. i miss it, and i want it back. i feel like my heart is drowning in a pool of tears that havent been able to be expressed. for whatever reason. maybe i want to be strong, i can do this! but really i just want to let it out. what happened? i believed Jesus. i believed. why? why? i dont understand any of it at all. it doesnt make sense to me and im not sure that it ever will. im not sure i can trust that question that i felt was once asked to me " what do you want?" because i told Him what i wanted. i told Him. it was a risk that i took, and i hope one day that i will be able to take that again. im eating ice cream and peanut butter cookies right now. major comfort food. haha. and drinking a glass of red wine. it is a great combination. Jesus, my prayer is this. please come heal my heart completely, please come and make me whole once again, so that i can truly live completely from my heart once again, to truly be who you created me to be. im alone tonight. most of the time i would say that is a good thing, but tonight, i wish i were around friends. everyone is working. i miss myself. i hope that i come back soon.

matters of the heart

something is about to change. im not sure what it is, but im sure that it will. it always does. one thing that you can always count on is change. and Jesus. but change will always happen. my life is always changing whether it is suttle or drastic. it always happens. no matter how much i try to hang on to the old, new is always birthed. and sometimes because i am holding on to the old i cant see the new, i cant see how good it is for me. sometimes we are blind to what is really going on. to what is really happening before our eyes, and although we see it, we really dont "see" it. so what does it take to see it. what does it take in life for our eyes to open? what is it in life that makes us see with our hearts. is it a glimpse into the future. is it a silent stare in the eyes of a strange that you connect with but you have never met. is it a small touch of a person that loves you, but you really felt it in that touch. is it in a letter that is written in your heart that no one knows about, but you think of it often. is it in a one-liner of a person you have heard speak at a random event. is it in a friend or a person that is dying before you. is it in a reationship that opens every part of your heart that you didnt even know exsisted. what is it? what makes us come alive? is it the small things in life. is it the big things? what is it? what makes you see from the eyes of your heart? what is this thing that every person in life is looking for..... well i cant answer all those questions. but what i can do is tell you of my experience. i know that my life is small, but will make a big difference in every persons life that i come into contact with. the one thing in life that makes me see from the eyes of my heart is love. no matter how much i have been hurt by life, i know that love is the most challenging thing there is, the most invigorating, uplifting, selfless, hurts like hell, feels amazing , life giving thing there is. it will make you come alive, if you let it. this is a choice though. something that requires you to step out of the way and give it room to breathe. something that you have to give all control to. if you dont, you could seem a bit skitsophrenic. this is a choice that is made daily. one day it could be easy, and the next hard as hell. why you ask? well because we are people and we hurt each other, walls are built, and so the choice that day is not to love. it hurts to much, if i love, i get hurt. that is the thought process. so we live our lives walking thru life dead. because we are unwilling to take the bad with the good. love is the only thing that will truly make you alive, that is what we were created for. the very thing in life is to love. we walk around life not letting anyone in, except at arms length. im unwilling to recieve your love, because i am afraid, im letting fear control my heart because i could get hurt. im going to be selfish, and not recieve your love or give any love away. you stay there and i'll stay here. that is as close as we get. i can see you from here, i dont need you to come within reach. im afraid, i could get hurt. but if we dare to take the risk, if we dare to take the leap and love with a capacity that is so large and so deep, it is worth it. the world could change in a moment. this is the answer love... just love, no matter the cost. it is simple and easy. just do it.

surprise, surprise

ok so about my blind date... i had a great time. we laughed alot, and then he wanted to ask questions that i knew would just go south(serious) from there. but even with much dodging it happened...... Jesus question. well he asked me if i went to college i said no, that i went to another school (BSOM). and boy did the tone of our night seriously change. that was all he wanted to talk about after. dont get me wrong i like talking about my sweet sweet Jesus, but im not here to save anyone, to convince someone to believe. im here to love, and with that an experience happens with Jesus. it ended up being an interesting night. we have a good time, but it ended up being a really cool connection for LA. He is one of those people that are just great, that he would do anything for you. he was really cool. we are definetly going to be friends, if he can get over his crush on me. hahaha. i know that im irresitable but he is gonna have to try. haha.

i want to know that He loves me so much, so i can love people in return. my prayer, Jesus let me know that you love me. even more than i know right now, let this revelation of your love be so great that it effects every area of my life. that my heart is so full of your love for me, so i can love others. i love you Jesus, but only because you tell me everyday that you love me.

blind date

funny. tonight i am going on a blind date. he is a country music singer. but i hate country music. we talked on the phone and i told him that i didnt want to talk music, he has to be creative and find something else to talk about. this should be interesting. he does his hair, like wears gel in it, that could potentially be annoying. i dont even spend that much time on my hair. haha. anyways, he seems pretty funny. i guess we will see what happens. at least it is a free meal, and sushi my favorite. i dont think that he loves Jesus, so obviously that wont work if that is the case. and besides that fact that im pretty sure that im moving to LA. but i told God that i wanted to go out on a date even if i wasnt interested. i just wanted to know that someone is interested. so i guess that is happening. im kinda interested in someone else, but i havent really meet him either, just thru a friend. but he is funny and i get to meet him soon enough. and when i say interested, i mean just interested in meeting him... cuz who knows? who knows anything... i mean really. i sure as hell dont. i just know that i love Jesus and that i want my heart to be soft to recieve all of His love for me in whatever capacity that looks like. i want to be full of His love for me.

well better get ready for this date... im just wearing what i have on, and putting some mascara on and that is about it. im not in for impressing anyone tonight. im done with that shyte. im just going to be me.

captured

he has captured my heart. he pursues me and pursues me until i am weak and give in. and in my weakness is when he is made strong. i am weak once again, and he is strong. i love my jesus. he is sweet in his goodness. i have realised more of his grace and mercy in my life. more of his love for me. it has been overwhelming, to the point of tears and a heart that is full of his love for me. i really love him and want to know so much more of his love for me. my question... holy spirit can i be like you when i grow up? haha, no really. i feel like a child and i love that. my life is changing right in front of me, i was hoping that the season of intensity would be over, but it isnt and i knew that it wasnt but i was hoping that it was. in the next few months i feel that my life is going to change even more drastic than it has in the last 3 months. it is a little aaahhhhhh ... but i know that my Jesus has me. He is good and doesnt know how to be anything other than what he is, and that is good.

miss you

this morning i realised that because of my past few weeks of being hurt by God, i hadnt spent much time with Him. i have spent time with Him, but we use to hang out so much. i really miss Him. I miss Holy Spirit. i miss you Holy Spirit. i am so sorry. my heart right now feels so broken. meaning that it is broken for you. i have no idea what this year is going to look like but i do know that i want every minute to be spent with you. you are my true rock. i love you so much. Jesus, please draw me closer to you. please give me grace for today and show me your mercies that are new every morning. i love my life with you, and i hope that it never changes and ony gets stronger. i love you so much Holy Spirit.

i think that things are always changing. well we all know that things are always changing. someone once told me " embrace change and it will be good, less painful, resist it and it will hurt" i believe that my life is a constant flow of change. but in the midst of all that, my desire for more of Jesus' love in my life is steady. the one thing that i can hold on to is that. He loves me. no matter what. HE loves me.

i am weak

there is so much to say but i dont know how to get it out. my life is screaming something that i dont understand. my heart has been broken of something that was inside but was never there. everything that is deep is in the shallowest part of me, it is all within reach. if you want to see it you dont have to dig deep. i feel like im in a hallway, going somewhere that i have never been before but yet it is all to familiar. wait, the smell of this house. this is a familiar smell. o, and that soft touch, i know that hand. the tenderness of the way He says my name. the gentle smile that says it all, those eyes are all to loving. i remember now. i am home. i am home when i am with you Jesus. and i am with you wherever i go. where ever i go i am home, because you never leave me. i am weak, but you are strong and i lean on you. i feel that i need to write for weeks to get this all out. i am weak, i am weak. i am weak. i am in need. i am in so much need. take this soul, and make it pure. take this heart and make it whole. take my hand and walk with me in it. i am weak. i am dependent on you completely. i need you to rescue me Jesus. please come and save me from myself. give me your grace, your mercy, give me your love. i need your love. so much of it. please come and make me like you. i am being real, i am being as transparent as i know to be. i am weak.

God loves ugly

God loves ugly
He takes it and turns it into something beautiful.

God loves me, even when im ugly. He sees everything. everything! not one thing goes unseen. He's telling me that im beautiful no matter what, He thinks im beautiful.

im realising so much more everyday, of how weak i really am. no, you dont get it. i really am. im so small. i have these moments when my eyes are closed and i litterally feel so small and the world around me, everything is so big, and im super small. it is wierd. anyways. im just being as transparent as i know to be. i got issues. but we all do. i screw up sometimes, actually probably alot. im not always Christ like, although i wanna be, im not. i have bad thoughts sometimes. occasionally i judge people, and speak bad about them. i recently lied in a job interview, and then turned it down when they offered it to me because i lied. and im not sure what possessed me to do that, because i dont believe that i have ever done that. crazy. im weak. im really weak, and the more i know of my weakness, the more desperate i get for my King, my sweet sweet Jesus. the more i realise that i need so much more grace and mercy in my life. and the more i get, the more i can give away.

i need you more

I need you more, more than words can say.
i need to see your face.

i love this song .... as i have it on forever repeat.

i need to journal so much, that is why my blogs have been longer than usual. i have 3 months of stuff in me, that is crying to get out. im trying to put into words what happened in africa, and london.

what was i learning and why was i there. was i there for the purpose of what i thought or was i there for some other reason that i just havent discovered yet. i dont think that i have the full revelation of why i was there. being back in the states in messin with me more than i thought. when i was in africa, it was so natural to be me. i was being. since i have been stateside, i feel the need to do, do, do!!! and really i just want to be. i just want to live with Jesus, my friends and family, laugh a whole freakin lot and just see Jesus in my everyday life. dont get me wrong i am doing all these things while i am here, it just seems like a much more difficult fight to just be. maybe it is all the pressures of life here. im not sure. it is just an adjustment. there is alot goin on in my heart right now, from a lot of different angles. it feels as if everything that has ever been in me is at the surface from the shallowest part of me to the deepest part, it is all sitting within reach. wierd.

today there were two things that happened. in the spirit i could feel everything that was happening, and i could smell everything that was going on. i know that the nose is a symbol of discernment. but litterally i could feel the discernment increase to a whole other level. i felt really sensitive today also. my boss was a little abrasive and i was fighting back tears. seriously. i think that he felt bad, i wasnt trying to make him feel bad it just was like "whoa, what did i do, it is only my 2nd day, chill out" but instead my eyes got teary. yeh, there is alot going on for that to happen.

well ok ... that is all i got for now.

love

it is funny from this morning to this afternoon, my heart is changed. it is amazing how a moment short or long with the King of KIngs can change your life, your perspective. How you can instantly be on a path to healing. something changed today. this morning i was completely triggered by something and i started to freak out, tears and all. and i asked the Lord to show me that He loved me today. and He did. i really love him. i have spent pretty much all day just thinking, processing with God. Just being with Him. and that was exactly what i needed. i feel soft again. i feel my heart turning back to where it once was with Him, and that makes me happy. I really love Him. He is my daddy. a good daddy. i love Him so much it is ridiculious. i still realise that i am weak and that i only have grace to love Him because He first loved me. my heart feels so soft right now. He is my peace, he is my grace, my faith, my heart, my love. He is everything. anything good that comes from me is from Him. I love Him, i love Him, I love Him. He loves me, He loves me, He loves me. HE FREAKIN LOVES ME. I love that. i would say that the last 4 or 5 days have been the worst days that i have gone thru in the lst 3 years. none have been as hard as the last. but i made it thru. my heart made it thru. it was broken and now it isnt. He came and touched it, He's finger is still placed on it. I love my Jesus. He is so sweet. I really love Him. anything that has come out of my mouth in the last 5 days has definetly been from a place of hurt. im not sorry, it was what i was feeling. but if you were one of the people that i have been wretched to, i am sorry. truly, i dont like being mean, that isnt my heart. i really want to be such a pure vessel of Love. I really want that. i know that in love there is alot of risk involved on any level of love. parents, siblings, friends, significant other. there is always risk in any relatiosnhip. and no matter how much my heart is hurt, i want to stay soft. i really want to be that soil for the seed of love to come in and go deep. this life is all about love. no matter how you look at it. it is about being intimate with our King. about loving others. and especially learning how to love yourself. this is he journey that i am on. the journey of love, how to stay soft, walk in forgiveness , how to love even when it isnt pretty. but i can only do these things if He gives me the grace for it. so Jesus i ask that you will give me more grace for this life. im gonna need it.

peeps i freakin love you. im so glad that God has put you in my life. im stinkin filthy rich, because of the relationships in my life.

I LOVE YOU... THIS FEELS OVERWHELMING... I FEEL TEARS. I LOVE YOU. IM OVERWHELMED WITH LOVE.
I LOVE LOVE.... I REALLY DO.

london, LA, nashville?

i feel like i am in a whirlwind. maybe this is what they were talking about in africa "re-entering" the country. haha.

when i was in africa i had gotten this prophetic word from a girl who is well respected and very prophetic. it was funny to, because i remember that day so well. i was in my room and this is how my conversation went with Holy Spirit.

Holy Spirit : "Priscilla i want you to go down to the tent today. she (remain nameless) has a word for you today"

Priscilla: "Holy Spirit i dont need a word, you tell me everything."

Holy Spirit: " Priscilla go down there"

Priscilla: "do i really have to, i dont wanna."

Holy Spirit : "PRISCILLA" (sternly)

Priscilla: "ok"

so i ended up at the tent, needless to say. worship was going on, i left. haha. Holy Spirit told me to go back, so i did. then the prophetic words starting spewing out of this womans mouth. and i knew that i would be the last one called. you have to understand, i have made myself hidden from anyone and everyone. i didnt want anyone to know anything about me. so this was hard for me, to be called up front and prophesied over.

she gave me this word that was really amazing though. i mean it was all stuff that i already knew, but it was awesome. and up until this point i was wondering why did God do that, but now i understand why. I thought that i was going to be in london for a long time. i thought i was there for at least a year. I sold or gave away everything in the journey of moving to london. and once i got there, when i landed, HS says to me " this isnt your home, america is and you wont be living here, you will only be here for short seasons." well Holy Spirit that would have been helpful information to tell me before i sold and gave everything away. so, im in london and trying not to think about what i was just told, i just want to enjoy where i am now. i want to live for the now. so anywho, i go to africa and im feeling the same thing, i thought what would happen would be this. i would get back from africa, and be in london until march at least. then come back, and do im not sure. but at least until march everything was worked out. well after africa, i arrived in london, and the day comes when the decision was made. im going home. im going back to america. the living situation didnt work out for me to be in london at this time. my friend hadnt been able to move into her flat, and i was going to be staying with her. so i had no where to stay. so home here i come. well while i was in africa, this woman kept telling me over and over that she saw me in LA. she said i see a geographical move for you, i keep seeing you in LA. so you have to know something, last summer tried to move out there, it wasnt time. my heart has always been divided with LA. there is a part of me that wants to, but there is a part of me that is really scared. mainly just because i really want to have the accountablitly. but i know alot of people in LA. i have some friends out there so it might be fine. i was just talking to a friend and i realised soemthing. when i was in london and africa, i had so much favor. it was a tangible favor, a noticable favor. since i have been back i have noticed that it doesnt feel like i have it here, in nashville that is. maybe im suppose to be in LA. im not sure. but that seems to be the only thing that has been consistent since i have been back. i want to go out there and check it out, and i feel that im suppose to do so. i was already planning on going out there in the next month or two. so we will see what happens.

there is a fashion school out there that starts in april. april, that seems ideal. it gives me enough time to make some money and then move out there. i have to find a place to live and all. soemthing that is walking distance to school and work. so who knows. my friend told me that the word for the week was "move west young man" i feel that. the thought of moving to LA is the only thing right now that seems like a "yes" so who knows. i need to pray and fast(haha me fasting, yeh right) im not that spiritual. haha well off to the prayer chambers.

a good thing

i have recently discovered something. well actually it was something that i already knew.

all our lives we(women) want someone to know that we are worth it. we want someone to come ridding in on a horse, charge thier swords and fight for us. we want someone to know that we are worth giving thier lives if need be. that they would go to the ends of the earth to win our love, no matter how many walls we have built, they will tare them down. no matter how long it takes in the process, this is what they want. the desire for us overcomes any fear. and it isnt that the fear is gone but they would much rather be scared with us in thier life then to be scared with us not there at all. desire is much stronger then the fear. dont we all want that? to know that we are worth it! of course we do. this is what we were created and designed for. i have a friend who has recently been thru alot. she has been engaged two times to two different guys in a years time. each time she trusted, was vulnerable to love. this thing we feel so deep in ourselves that is uncontrolable. she gave into to it. like we all long to do but never allow ourselves to get to that place of vulnerablitity. with both guys she put herself in that place of complete weakness, to say here i am giving myself over to this thing we call love. i chose to be selfless and chose you over myself. i will trust you. here i am, you can have me. and then both guys completely let her down. totally take all that love, all that trust and toss it out the window. as if to say all that you have given me was worth nothing. you are worth nothing. your heart isnt valuable to me. im in this world for myself. you are nothing. so to say the least she has been thru alot. but even after all that, she isnt bitter at her heart. she still believes in love. i had told her recently that she shouldnt be in a relationship, that she needed to get healing, her heart that is. and in the midst of her wanting that( to get healing) and thinking that it looks like what i have said that it should she has refused to get in relationships. not only because of my telling her but because of others giving this same advice. but in this time of her walking down a road of healing here comes this guy out of nowhere wanting to knock down any wall that she has built. he knows that she has issues, hurt and pain. but he is willing to pay any price because he has fallen in love with her. he saw her. he is fighting for her. the very thing she (we all) want is at a time when it looks inconvient. so she has pushed him away but he hasnt left because he knows what he wants. just because it doesnt look like what we think it should look like or what people tell us it should look like we dont do things that our heart is crying out for. we deny our hearts, the very cry of our hearts so that others can say" she is being responsible." well isnt that performance also. if your heart is saying one thing and your head the other which do you listen to? well i think that we listen to our hearts. i think that she should be with this guy, take another risk, and not give up on love. because love will never give up on her. will never give up on me. and that my friends is a very good thing. she has inspired me to not be bitter, not have unforgiveness in my heart. to not give up on love. she has inspired me once again to live from my heart. so i will, although scary and there will be much risk, im sure that in the end it will be worth it. and that my friends is very good.

im going to be ok.

i had a revelation. i was walking in the car park with mallory and a lightning bolt from the sky hit me. its ok. im going to be ok. it isnt that it is bad. it just isnt wanted. i saw the light for the first time in 3 days. it was a small light but it was light none the less. my heart will be ok. my heart will be ok. my heart will be ok. you know what, it isnt that im not amazing enough, it isnt that im not pretty enough, skinny enough, love Jesus enough. it isnt any of those things. he just doesnt want it. and you know what, that is ok. it isnt that he doesnt have it in him to step up to the plate, it isnt any of those things, he just doesnt want it. and that is ok. i am ok with that. i am really ok with that. i am really ok with that. i really am. i had a revelation today, everything little thing is gonna be ok. im going to be ok.

but on a funny note. ..... well nevermind that might be inappropriate for young minds such as yours. hahaha

have a great night.

what a night.

i had a dream last night. i had a dream that i was in canada. that was kinda weird.

i have alot of questions that are floating around in my head.

i need more grace.

i have recently asked the question to a very good friend, "do u think that you can choose who your heart falls in love with?" I once had someone who i trust and have very high reguard for tell me that "trust your heart, it will never lead you wrong" and for years i have trusted that. but now, im not sure. i feel like i have followed my heart for 2 years and it has led me astray. i feel like i have followed it down a dead end road, a path that has had no lights, but i trusted it anyways, and now with much regret. in the word it says that our hearts are good, no longer evil. that God looks at us with a pure heart. but i now even wonder if we have taken that scripture and twisted it to what we want it to mean. i thought that my heart was pure, that my heart was good, but now im not sure about that at all. what is being in love anyways? is it seeing that person for who they really are? is it loving them for them, not wanting them to change because you see the good always, even when they arent being that. what is it? what is love? i have recently gotten back from africa and going to a school that was all about love, learning how to love. loving people that are in front of you. friends, famliy, the fatherless child, the homeless, the starving. just loving. i use to think that i did a good job at that. now i realise that i suck at all of it. the agape love and the philos love. love in general, im just not very good at it. i want people to love me back and when they dont it hurts and i put up walls and get hard. although i dont want to do that i do. im just being real here. im being as honest and true as i know how to be. i know that this life is all about relationships and love, but what if you suck at it? what then? i cant pretend anymore, i have no performance left in me. i feel stripped and naked with no where to go. i can only do what i have the grace to do, i can only believe what i have the grace for to believe. if Jesus doesnt give me the grace for it, i cant do it. and that means love. i have realised that i am a horrible lover. i have realised that i need more of His grace in my life.

what is it?

i want to see my best friend katieann. i miss her. i miss her making me laugh. in the last 5 years my life has been all over the place. at least i can say that our friendship has been steady. besides Holy Spirit, she is my best friend. love you mean it. you'll never know how much i love you until u get to heaven.

it is funny when situations like this occur, you often ask yourself do i even know what love is? and i think that i can say no i dont. the closer i get to it, the more i realise that i really have no clue what it is. the more i realise how much of God's mercy i really need and how much grace i need.

my heart

this is my heart. for the last two years i have held something in my heart very loosely. at times close, but most of the time very loosely. going back and forth of killing the hell out of it and then fully believing. and it seemed that everytime it died somehow it would come back again. and maybe i did make it come alive again subconscientously. i dont know but i know that it has been there for to long. i dont know what else to do about but just say that i cant handle it anymore. i dont want to want it anymore. i just dont. i dont even know how to make myself not want it. i have tried so many times to do that, but it never seems to work. so i really want it, but bc it never looks like it will happen, i dont. my heart cant bare it anymore. so, im done. Jesus come and erase it all. please come in and take it all. I need Jesus. I just want to enjoy my life with friends and family, laugh and have a great time loving Jesus. I want to know that im loved even more that right now.

some pics.

this was the view from my veranda. a morning sunrise in pemba mozambique.

this is one of three of the international ministers of fire. he was very annointed, just ask his mom.

this was two of three, of the international ministers of fire. he was kinda annointed. haha

and this is laura. she is just cool.

these are some of my favorite people. i love that they are in my life.

Love for me

the new year. what is this new year bringing? well i cant answer that question. i would like to think that i could but im not sure that is possible. so i will just start with what i am thankful for. i am thankful that i am learning more and more that God loves me. no you dont get it, He really loves me. this year he let me live my dreams. he really let me live them and He paid for the whole thing. im thankful that i got to deepen friendships and love them more. when i look back on the last year i realise that i got everything i asked for last year. i got to travel and see alot of places that have been in my heart. i got to live in africa. i have always wanted to do that. i got to be in europe and spend some time there, and i get to continually go back. did i mention that i love London. it is one of my favorite places. i really love it. this last year was amazing for me. i can honestly say that it was year that if i had to do all over again i would live it completely the same. so what does that leave for this year? well im not sure and i dnt think that is one that i will figure out. all i know is that i want to live where ever i am. and i have a feeling that this year that could look like a lot of different places. so where ever i am, i want to be there. i want to enjoy every bit of my life and not worrying about what tomorrow will bring. i want to see Katieann and Kayle. i want to laugh with them and have such a good time. im on a journey having moments of revelation about what life is every step that i take. im want to learn even more, to know even more how much Papa loves me. i need to know more today then i did yesterday. i feel desperate to know more of His love for me. nothing ever turns out how i think that it will. and im learning to be ok with that.