knowing

have you ever had a knowing, not a feeling, but a knowing! You just know something. Well in the last few days, I have had this knowing, not feeling, but a knowing that the enemy was trying to kill me, litterally! We all know that the enemy wants us dead, but how far does he go usually? Ususally just trying to steal our identity and that will kill us. But this last week I have known that he was trying to kill me in the sense of knowing that he wants me dead. I have never known or felt it, the way I have this last week. Today I almost got into a serious accident, I also ran two red lights in very big intersections, how it happened I dont know. And it wasnt bad driving, it was scary to think that I almost litterally could have died today. I really dont know how my car stopped (I know it was an angel, I saw it) but it was so wierd, b/c all week I kept seeing myself getting into a really bad accident, like unto death. It was wierd. Never before until now do I know the lengths the enemy will go to kill me. There has been other things as well, crazy stuff. I am knowing who I am more and more and he hates that. I am becoming more secure everyday in my identity in Jesus and that is scary to him, I know! I am usually a feeler, I feel everything, but lately in all the areas of my life it has been this knowing that I am talking about. I just know things, I cant describe it, it goes deeper than what I have known before. This last week, I have seen more spiritual things in my knower than I have ever experienced in the past. Maybe that is why I havent felt a peace about going to Cali, I dont know but I know that it is real. But I also know that God has my back. He has got me, I know that! I know that God is good and He is faithful in His goodness. He is good, and way better than that, and He is better than that. God is my saviour, litterally. I love Him so much, I am so glad that He has set me free, I am glad that Im living to be fully alive. I am glad that my heart is His and only His. I am glad that He continually makes me whole. And He doesnt mind doing it, I am not to much for Him to handle. He likes me! I love it! I really really do!

thought and consideration

Well with much thought and consideration....I cancelled my trip to Redding. I havent felt right about it since i booked my flight but thought it was just me and I would get over it, but I havent. So I am not going. I want to see everyone but it just isnt right, not now. And it isnt anything with anyone, I just felt like it wasnt right and besides I have to work and I need the money.

So to all have a wonderful New Year, may the next be better than the last and as memorable as the past.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Revelation

well so I realized something, I am amazing and deserve the very best. Papa said so! HE SAID! hahaha a lil inside joke.

But really I am realizing that the past few months have been immature...not just on one end but both. I feel such relief that I am not in a place of expecting. And not in a bad way, in a good way of not expecting. In this moment and time in my life I am more, and need more. I need the best and maturity. Someone who will respect and honor and desire, and not let fear get in the way on any level. This new level of revelation is changing me, changing my thoughts, changing my perspective. I know all this but last night as I was at dinner with Mal, she said " I dont want you to like him, I dont like the way that he treats you" It hit me that she was right. And not any disrespect to that person but she was right, she is right. On any level of even just a friendship, it has been wierd and strange. And I take responsibility for some of it, but she is right. I like this person as a friend, it is all good now but it was like any feelings I did have for him have vanished. It is really freeing actually. I really like it. Cause now if he is wierd to me I dont care! Before I cared b/c I liked him, but now, I dont! Yeah I care about him as a person but Im not gonna put so much effort into it, unless it is mutual(I mean on a friend level). It just doesnt have very much weight on it anymore. I love it. I feel so much freedom on the situation. MMMWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I LOVE IT! I feel like singing a song. It is great.


I am gonna go now, I have to go somewhere....I leave for redding tomorrow. I feel wierd about it, but I am sure it will be fine. I cant wait to see Danny and Sheri.

things I like

things I like...

chips and slasa...mmmm

makeup

CSI

daydreaming

being skinny

being random

Jason Upton

taking bubble baths

reading my blog

drinking coffee

and my most favorite thing to do.....be with Jesus

the heart

Ya know most people dont live there, but it is the most important part of you! Living where your heart is, no matter how scary! your heart will not lead you wrong ,it is good and full of Jesus. Those are His words not mine, I just believe them. My heart is good I know and I want to abide in that place where my heart is. I want to truly allow the Spirit of God to come in to add, enhance, or take away. I trust that He will. I continuely bring my heart before God everything in it, every desire, every want, every hurt, all my joy anything in my life, which is where my heart is. Every emotion, it is the Lords. I will and do live there daily and sometimes it isnt fun, but it is never wrong b/c it is my heart. He validates it and that is amazing. I love Jesus so much.

People once again live where you heart is; dont betray your heart, let it out, it will allow you to live, if you dont it will kill you. The very thing that brings life, will kill you if you dont let it free.

LAUGH
as though it were your last
DANCE
as though no one is watching
LOVE
as though you have never been hurt
SING
as though no one can hear
LIVE
as though heavens on earth

marvel

Im sitting here alone and realizing that Jesus wants to be wanted all the time, just as we do. We are designed just like Him. "Do you think He is as crazy as me", I think out loud. Well there has to be that craziness in Him somewhere b/c He made me like Him. Wow, I am like Jesus...and so are you! think, Jesus is so much fun. He really really is.

I am listening to Kimberly and Beto and I love it, I listened to it all night. When I had my own place before I love to have worship music playing 24 hours in my house to create that atmosphere where angels can come and hang out and where Holy Spirit would come too. I know that they are alreay there but the atmosphere it creates is so incredible, I love it and that is how I get to spend my Christmas with this amazing longing in my spirit and soul. And its getting deeper and longer. I love Him so much, my amazing Jesus is so beautiful.


Another thing that is nice about being by yourself,( in your house), you can walk around butt freakin naked! I love it! aaahhhhhhhhhh real freedom, I am experiencing it. love it.

freedom.

wow! freedom, let it ring! I feel so much freedom and I love it. The pressures have lifted and I am free to be me and he is free to be himself. It is so freeing and I love it. funny things came out of last night. am I in love yeah sure I am with the creator of the universe! But that is about it! the satisfaction of saying it was well worth it!

I feel for the first time in a year, that my heart is truly Jesus'. Which had nothing to do with anyone but myself. And I am not making it to be that way, it just is! I am so in love with my creator and saviour, it is unreal. I feel joy, peace and best of all Love. I am excited about Christmas, although I am not spending it with anyone, but Jesus that really is enough. Breakthrough happened last night and not just in one area, but many it was like a ripple in the water, the effect it had on me. I really like that. I really like that I have the freedom to be me with ty ty! I love it that niether one of us feel the pressure to be anything other than ourselves. just to be, whatever that looks like friends or not, which is friends but freedom none the less. I am really enjoying it. Christmas is turning out good ,and I like that. Is it turning out like I thought? No. But it is gonna be great, I am looking forward to spending the day dedicated to my sweet, sweet Jesus. I really am, I am not trying to have this attitude it has just happened which is even better to me. I am absolutely for the first time totally content with where I am in my life and knowing that change is still happening all around me and in me and looking for the more in the moments we call "NOW"! God is good and that is good to me. All things do work for my good in Jesus, I love it. My Jesus is so sweet, what a sweet sweet name!

I love the people in my life and what they bring to it. I love that people continually get free, and are able to touch thier hearts when they are around me. I want my life to look like that, I want to walk in that, that I am known for people living where thier hearts are which is love, that people love when they are around me, that they cant help it because I am drenched in it and it makes them want to know love more and love more. I love the people in my life. they have helped create who I am. Each adds or takes away and I Iike that. thanks for being who you are in my life, what ever that looks like.

so much love
Cilla

tonight

tonight was really good, I feel like we have had some breakthrough! Jesus is good and does care about relationships. I feel like we are starting over again and this is good. New beginnings which really fits with a new year. Although we arent really starting over again, something is new and I like that. there seems to be a trust that is building and I like trusting and for him to trust me. I am a very expressive person we all know that and I feel that what is happening is just God being good. I feel like I can write this and Tyler not get freaked on me, so I will be me and express away. I think that Tyler is such a great guy, and I am glad that we are gonna be friends and be normal and him not get wierd on me and if he has something to say he will. I love the fact that he totally approached me about this issue. way to go, love it. thanks for not having to make me. I hate doing it. So hats off to you, with lots of honor and respect, I think you are great. love ya.

Cilla

Have I ever....????

Have I ever told anyone about my family, besides the fact that it is jacked the freak up!

I have an older sister who is 29, her name Rebekkah! She is really funny, if you think i am funny i have nothing on her. She is tall and really little, meaning skinny!

My two older brothers Andrew, and Michael are 27! They both have children. Andrew has three Anna, Grace, and Jackson. Thier pictures are on myspace. Andrew is a super funny guy as well. Like have me rolling and crying I am laughing so hard. Michael has two children, Solomon and Tava! Michael is very serious! He is the ony serious one in our family, the rest of us are clowns!

Matthew is my twin and we are 25! Matthew has a daughter whom is almost a year! Matthew is very sweet and caring! I remeber he use to always watch out for me, and annoy me with hugs when we were little. I was stubborn and fiesty! He was compassionate and loving and very giving! He always shared with me. He is living in Miami right now and didnt even tell me! I miss my brother and wish we were as close as we use to be!

It is kinda sad, I really dont know my sibilings anymore! we use to be alot closer than what we are now, well anything than what we are now. We arent even celebrating Christmas, how sad is that? But ya know even though my family is screwed up I still love them so much. I miss being around them. I use to think my brothers and sister were the funniest people I knew. They are still pretty funny. I do love my family no matter how they treat me, they will always be MY family. I pray one day there is restoration.

I remember when Matt and I were younger, if he was aggervating me which was all the time, everyday! I would tell my brothers Andrew and Micheal: "Hey andrew, Matthew just said you have a fat head and he could beat you up if you come in here" I would yell that into the other room, and here would come my brothers to beat matt up! And then I would run into my room and lock the door so Matt wouldnt try and beat me up. It was the only way I could get Matt to leave me alone, unless I jabbed him with a fork on his hand to leave me alone. Crazy huh? yeah I have done that before. I use to be so mean to him all the time, Lord forgive me! He is such a good person, he has such a tender heart. I love my brother, he use to tell me everyday how beautiful he thought I was! He was such a good brother, and I was probably an awful sister. I love Matt and believe so much in him.

Lord please bless my brothers and sister wherever they might be this Christmas season, may they know of your love and goodness. Shower down on them mercy and grace, may love be shown to them by any one person. Papa show yourself real to them and give them the desires of thier heart. Papa may thier kids know of your love and that thier dads are good people. Lord bless thier families and extend so much mercy please. Keep them safe and out of harms way. May thier decisions be based out of your love for them. Give them wisdom from above whether they realize that it is from you or not. Please keep my family safe where ever they are!

HOT, HOT, HOT!

well another night...I promise I am not an alcoholic...I never drink, but there are exceptions, holidays being one of them. I figure I might as well drown my sorrows in something right? what better than jack himself with a little daniel on the side....hahaha kidding about the drowning part but they are becoming close friends of mine. I had a guy come over last night, I had a little to much to drink...and so did he...God forgive us! Kidding nothing happened, DAMN IT! He is super Hot and he did proceed to tell me how gorgeous I was, yeap that is right folks he used the word gorgeous. It almost made me cry, but that might have just been the alcohol talking, who kinos and who cares. He brought over some amazing cloves for us to kill ourselves with that was really nice of him. Did I tell you that this guy is really a hot, hot man! Forreals ladies, he is a hottie. MMMMMMMMM! ok enough of the lustful talk, Jesus forgave me already. He is a mess though! to bad! But we drank it up and had a good ol time talking about Jesus. then I went to bed and slept like a baby.......He told me I was hot, I really like that, he told me throughout the night. Man that never gets old someone telling you that you are beautiful. It was really a shock to me that he thought that, I am serious. You know I think that I am pretty, but for me to think that other people think that, is mind blowing, everytime I hear someone say it, it really just sends me spinning. I dont know why, but it does. I know Jesus tells me that, so I believe it! But I dont know why when humans tell me it is like I think they are from a different world, like they are looking at someone else. It is crazy but true. Well hats off to my friend with the drinks last night, thanks for a wonderful evening. It made my night to know someone as hot as yourself thinks Im beautiful, personality and all. He even complemented my butt, SCORE! that is awesome. It doesnt matter how much of a mess you are, great job making me feel pretty! I love the cloves to, I smoked them all, all two of them.


Also Im suppose to be going on this blind date, this guy wants to see a picture of me but I dont get to see one of him, yeah that isnt gonna work, I mean if I am as hot as Matthew said then, surely the guy will want to go out with me, but what if he is ugly? anyways, more on that when it happens, I will keep you posted!

last night

well last night I had a little to much to drink.....not Jesus juice either...some lime juice and margaritas....three to be exact and since we know that I am a light weight anyways, three was just way too much for me, you could say I was pretty much wasted. Thank Jesus He loves me even in my stupidness, I didnt wake this mornng with a hangover. I feel fine.

And you know when you have too much to drink you call people you shouldnt, yeah I did that. aaaarrrrgggghhhh! What an idiot I am. thank God I didnt say to much of anything, but tell MAl to get me another margarita, and no one would tell her to get me another. that pissed me off. MAl chased me through our parking lot b/c I had my keys, and she thought I was gonna drive somewhere, but I wasnt! This time last year almost exactly I accidently(forreal) got hammered at a friends, and was sick for like 2 days so I really havent drank since b/c I remeber that experience, it was horrible, but that was when I became addicted to Americas Next Top Model. I watched it all day. Anyways, that was last night so to anyone I called and shouldnt have, if you are reading this I am sorry really, you lose all inhibitions when you drink and since I dont have much anyways drinking doesnt really suit me. I do seriously stupid things, I could go on about all my drunken party days before I was walking with Jesus or during school of ministry but I wont. those are behind me and hope to never have to relive them again. I am so glad that Jesus loves me, even in my stupidity. Once again, I am sorry for anything dumb I did last night,I hope forgiveness can be extended.Thanks.

Pris

words I hate..

words I hate.....the dreaded words of ....Are you sure? I hate these words b/c they are words of doubt always planting seeds of doubt!!!

They are stupid and not from jesus...jesus plants seeds of faith and not doubt, and it is clear that they are words of doubt.

find your way

You are the light of the world
You are the fire that burns out my cold
You are the hope of my weary soul
Light of Heaven
Find Your way to me
You are the grace that I need
Come now and still me
With Your sweetest kiss
I've never felt arms warm like this
Grace of Heaven
Find Your way to me


the light shines in the darkness but the darkness does not over come it
the light shines in the darkness but the darkness does not over come it
true light gives light to everyman and is coming into the world
the word became flesh
we have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only who came from
the father full of grace and truth
the light shines in the darkness but the darkness does not over come it


I love this song, it makes me want Jesus so much. I love Him aahhhh I find myself everyday falling more and more in love with Jesus, the sweetness of His name, the way it rolls off your lips and creates life. I love Him, His sweetness. I have never felt closer to Jesus than I have in last year. This has truly been one of the best years I have lived and I know that it can only get better. And I am talking about best years with Jesus. My relationship aaaahhhh I just love Him so much. Can I explode NOW? thanks.

That is how I feel. like exploding all over things with His love and goodness.

my heart

I am feeling so, aaahhhh my heart, I still believe in His goodness, The rock in my life is knowing and believing in His goodness.
It is funny My last entry was about me not being an emotional rollercoaster and here I am talking about how I am on an emotional rollercoaster. How it happens I dont know but it does, How I can still believe and have hope and faith in His goodness when things say something else. It is beyond me but I do, I believe that He is faithful in His goodness. I believe. I believe.

I am not to take it as personal rejection and to just know that His heart is for me.

People if you, if I, get anything in life let it be this one thing:

live where your heart is, dont betray your heart! Your heart will never mislead you. I believe that!

In the midst of hurt and tears I know that my God is Good, I have to believe that, I have to!

It is the only thing in my life that is constant, never changing, never wavers, it is always the same.

I HAVE TO BELIEVE IN HIS GOODNESS, THAT HE IS ALWAYS GOOD!


I HAVE TO!

I cant deny

I cant deny His presence in my life, I would never want to deny it. I love Him so much my heart is totally His! But there must be more than this....

there must be more than this, o breath of God come breathe within
there must be more of this, Spirit of God we wait for you
fill us anew we pray, fill us anew we pray
consuming fire fan into flame a passion for your name
Spirit of God fall in this place Lord have your way with us
come like a rushing wind clothe us with power from on high
set the captives free, abandoned to your praise
Lord let your glory fall, Lord have your way, have your way, your way with us
THERE MUST BE MORE ,THERE MUST BE MORE
STIR IT UP IN OUR HEARTS LORD, A PASSION FOR YOUR NAME
FAN INTO FLAME PASSION FOR YOUR NAME
LORD HAVE YOUR WAY
LORD HAVE YOUR WAY

there must be more than this

when Im telling God to have his way, I hear " ok, what do you want?"

So I will continue to tell Him the things in my heart and continue to give it over to Him, telling Him to have His way and I will continue to to tell Him

how I love Him....and....



ok also today was our ( a group of us) little brunch, the day we get together to do whatever it is we are doing! Something with business and that is fun!

But it is also a time where we talk about what is going on with our lives, I honestly didnt want to share b/c there is so much and very dear to my heart and very personal but I did share some thing but not what was really on my heart. I felt it not wise. But dave our mentor so to speak asked if he could pray for me and of course I was like sure. And he said something that kinda made me think like wow that is really how people look at me, it was kinda an ouch! Now I know this about myself so maybe I am being really sensitive right now, but it kinda hurt my feelings and that was not his intentions at all I know this but it still hurt. He said I was emotional, basically an emotional rollercoaster! OUCH! WOW! Is that really what you think, just tell me! I was thinking though I dont want to be that! When I hear people say things like that it makes me think " you are to much" "we cant handle that (you)" I think of when danny told me I was alot to handle, that is another ouch! I mean goodness gracious, I feel like I am just getting it from every angle. Which maybe it is true, maybe I am alot to handle, but I thought I was great, I thought I was fun and easy going for the most part, I am forgiving, and lots of other good things but that makes me think of all the bad things. ...... I mean yes I live out loud but that does not classify me as emotional does it? My emotions do not dictate my life, I am not someone who lives by thier emotions I live by the Spirit of God! Yes I have my ups and downs, mostly ups and when I am down I am down in the dumps but it never last long. But I am stable in my walk with Jesus, I have a very stable relationship with Him, it hasnt wavered, only gotten stronger! So sometimes I can be unstable in emotions but I always become level and that is what we should look at right? the overall picture! I like who I am, God made me and He loves me like crazy! I feel it everyday, and even when I dont feel it I know it everyday! I walk in it and I know I do. I am not perfect but I love my sweet sweet Jesus so freakin much I give my life to Him, I will give my life to Him everyday for the rest of my life there would be nothing to change that! He is my everything, I am lost and desperate without Him. All I want to do is grow more and more in His love and you know emotions arent bad, God gave them to us, and Love is full of all different kinds of emotions. It is part of it, part of who God created us all to be live where our hearts are! my heart has all kinds of emotions and ya know I am ok with that. As I writing this I am realizing that I was having a moment of insecurity but I am over it now, I am getting deliverance as I am writing. I am fine just that way I am. Do I need improvement? sure, we all do! But in this moment I am fine. Jesus is my love and I want more, there must be more of this sweet sweet love! More love please!

holidays....boo hoo!

Well I love the holidays, epecially Christmas! I love the smell of Christmas, clean, crsip air, the smell of christmas trees! the sound of snow, there isnt a sound of snow, but I love it anyways! The idea of beanies, gloves, scarves, and cute sweaters and jackets. drinking hot chocolate outside and your nose turning red! The idea of it is great if it really turns out that way. But this christamas like the last two might be equally as shitty or worse! I am spending it all by myself. My mom decicded not to celebrate it this year b/c my sister and brothers are not on speaking terms with her, so no christmas, and they are going to Florida to see Jim's dad in the hospital. Mallory is gonna be with Mark, Vange and her family dont invite anyone b/c just immediate family there is like 75 people, litterally. Jamie and Emily are gonna be out of town I think and I probably wouldnt go anyways it would be wierd. Wow it is funny how it seems I can have like a ton of friends and then they just disapear. Where did they all go, where is family, friends during the holidays? I dont know I just know that holidays make me really not like my family. I asked for one thing this Christmas from Papa! I hope I get it! I really really want it. More than anything that is earthly. I guess we will see.

I hope that this Christmas isnt bad, it isnt here yet maybe things will look up? I hope that they do, if not that would be really depressing.

O, Mallory never wear my brand new jeans again! I havent even worn them yet. Never ever, or we will fight!

time...

Have you ever felt that your life hangs on the valance of a moment in time, one decision, one move of His eye, one turn of His face. I feel that tonight, but there is so much peace that comes with it. One decision made in time and time that stops or keeps going, really time always keeps going! The amazment of how something so small can effect your life in such a drastic way!

I love Jesus so freakin much, He is so good, He is so faithful in His goodness. No matter what comes at you, God is good! That never changes in my life and that keeps me stable and ya know I need that! I need that stability in my life b/c I am like a rollercoaster, something sturdy, never changing, a rock, an anchor is very appealing to me. He is my anchor and o how I need it! I love that about Him how he never changes and I can always count on that. He loves me and I love Him. My heart would never be able to tell of it, eternity seems way to short to spend with Him, I need more.

O how my heart longs for Him, more than life itself. I need so much more of my sweet, sweet, Jesus.....

so much more.....

matters of the heart

I feel these moments often and never knowing how to articulate them and express them, I feel as if Kayle has taken my heart right out of my chest and has shown it to the world for all to listen to, if you listen closely this is what it is saying.....in perfect words which are never perfection....

Have you ever had such an intense desire to go deeper that you can feel your insides pulling down further and further?

I seem to feel these strange, intense emotions from time to time. From wanting to run faster then anything I've ever seen, to wanting to go so deep that the only words to possibly describe such a feeling can only come through tears.

Not bad ones. Good ones. Longing ones. Ones that groan deeper then human words.

What is held for me there in the depths? What love exists that no longer skims the surface? Who will I find there? Will Jesus' eyes look different?

I often stop in the middle of things and just breath. I try to breath deeper the I did before. Maybe that will get things further into my soul. Maybe this next breath will take His presence deeper into my spirit, my soul, my entire being. Maybe this next breath will lock something so profound and magical into my heart that I will just stop and speak my tears out to the Lord.

I can't get enough of Him.....

I'd love it if you came with me. Swimming. Running. Pressing further into this incredible reality. There is always something new, something more. I just love the wonder of it all.

Oh Lord, let wonder never cease. Melt my heart further. Let me see with your eyes.....

Imagine what the world would look like through His eyes!

..... what profound wonder......

Stupid!

How stupid is that? I left my phone at home today on accident, leaving for and walked out the door and forgot it. All day Im gone and not one person called me, no missed calls, nothing! That is dumb, I thought someone would have called me, even if it was just my mother, and I was hoping that someone else would call me but NO, notta one! Stupidest thing I have ever seen and It makes me feel not very loved but that is ok, I will get over it!

bye....stupid people....hahhaha kidding!

mal wrote this and Im feeling it

Love...
It's about desire. Seeking the heart of sweet Jesus and then allowing him to fulfill your hearts desires...what you want and what you feel...trusting unconditionally in Holy Spirit and allowing the flow of His peace to be your stoplight. Knowing that in every moment of every minute that the Lord is moving...moving to bring and guide you into the next step. As my friend Jason Kramer once told me "Mal, when the Lord puts a lamp unto your feet it doesn't give off very much life...just enough to take you from one step to another."

A profound word from Cila---Belief is the seed of faith but its faith...FAITH...that produces fruit

So, I believe. I believe that if I do that, live in the now, feeling whatever I feel....and KNOWING...without a shadaw of a doubt that my God is walking every step with me, guiding me, leading me in the right ways...the risk, the risk that is undoubtedly there, is totally worth it.

He's worth it.

It's worth it.

so here I am again

I am here at this spot alot. Blogging that is, that is the spot I am talking about.

So much is going on, and I dont know what to really release or if anything at all. (My roomate is so HOT) she just made this bread called monkey bread, OMG it was so amazing! good thing she doesnt cook all the time or I would be fat. ya see I cook but stuff that is healthy, so I guess we even out.

Im listening to sheryl crow "good is good" and it is awesome, I love it. Papa gave me some awesome scriptures, and I am loving it. What are they you ask? Well ask papa and he'll tell you b/c Im not.



Good is good and bad is bad
You don't know which one you had
She put your books out on the sidewalk
Now they're blowing 'round
They won't help you when you're down

Love's on your list of things to do
To bring your good luck back to you
And if you think that everything's unfair
Would you care if you're the last one standing there

And everytime you hear the rolling thunder
You turn around before the lightening strikes
And does it ever make you stop and wonder
If all your good times pass you by

I don't hold no mystery
But I can show you how to turn the key
Cause all I know is where I started
So downhearted
And that's not where you want to be

And everytime you hear the rolling thunder
You turn around before the lightening strikes
And you could find a rock to crawl right under
If all your good times pass you by

When the day is done
And the world is sleeping
And the moon is on its way to rise
When your friends are gone
You thought were so worth keeping
You feel you don't belong
And you don't know why

And everytime you hear the rolling thunder
You turn around before the lightening strikes
And does it ever make you stop and wonder
If all your good times pass you by

When the day is done
And the world is sleeping
And the moon is on its way to rise
When your friends are gone
You thought were so worth keeping
You feel you don't belong
Neither do I

I know this is such a random blog but welcome to my brain, and you all know me anyways, I am definetly random!!!!

faithful in His goodness

Papa is so faithful in His goodness. He is so good! I know lately this about all I write but, this is all I can think about and all I have thought about! He is just so good! And it isnt like there is any one thing that has happened it is just me recognizing and being overwhelmed with His goodness. It is just really realizing how good He is, how faithful He really is.

Knowing how overwhwleming His Love is for me, ME, ME! Priscilla, His overwhelming love for me, Priscilla! That is crazy! It is amazing, it is blowing my mind! I want so much more, so much more it is crazy!

He really is the giver of good, no, the best gifts! Just think, He doesnt how to give anything other than the best of gifts. WOW, so matter what comes from Him it is gonna frekin blow us out the water! He is so extravagant, He is the most extravagant giver ever! I am listening to one of the best songs ever, your love is extrvagant, by darrel evans! I love it!

I was thinking about Love and how love is amazing! But what I was thinking about was if we can love so much, have so much love in our hearts, think about how much more God has! That is crazy, that is amazing! I really like that! I really like that He loves me way more than the Love I have in my heart, although that is hard to comprehend but it is true! I feel like love grows more and more in me everyday, especially for the people that play a part in my life. Man I am just overwhelmed with His amazing goodness, His amazing faithfulness, His amazing love!

I love Him......ssssssooooooooooooooooooooo frekin much!

Speechless.

I am often speechless in the presence of our King! He is so good and amazing! I love Him so much. I am often in awe at His goodness! He is GOOD! He doesnt know how to be anything other than what He is! I have heard tons of testimonies of His amazing goodness through out the last 5 years and often am still amazed at His goodness, but today a testimony was given that hit me with a new revelation of His love!

A young girl at church brought her grandmother to hear Bill Johnson, actully to get prayer b/c she had cancer, a tumor in her chest. Well she got prayer by the ministry team and they also prophesied over her and her coughing stopped, she wasnt coughing anymore from the cancer. Good right? well days later she started coughing again but it wasnt from the cancer it was from the radiation, they radiated her too much, and when they had taken an xray of her chest the tumor was completley gone, it had disappeared!

That is GOD'S GOODNESS! He is just so good! Now I have heard tons of testimonies about tumors disappearing, and cancer being healed, and much much more! But this was such a new level of his goodness, it was like I had heard a testimony for the first time, it was crazy but I am liking it. This last weekend has been so fresh and renewing to my mind. I love Him so much it is crazy, it is like I am seeing Him for the first time! It is very overwhelming, His goodness is overwhelming!

He just likes to give us good gifts, He just likes to overwhelm us with His goodness. He told us whatever we ask for He will give us. Just ask and if we believe when asking we can have it. He is so good, He really really is, He really really is, He is just so good!

So Lord I am asking "Can I have it?" I want it so bad, Can I have what I want?


In His goodness, I trust and I know that He is faithful in His goodness. It makes my eyes tear up and then the river flows from my eyes b/c He is so good and I know that He IS! HE IS, HE IS! I just know that he is good, He is so freakin good! I just sit in His goodness with no words, just my heart knowing that He is good! My heart could never express how good He is, Never in all my life! He is just good!

A Date???

Hello again....another guy!!!

So I tell you what, I never thought or who would have thought for that matter that you could met a guy at the MAC counter. They are coming out of the woodwork I tell ya! Anywho this guy comes up to the counter and asks a question and then leaves, then he comes up again buys some makeup for his little sister and he really wanted me to know that, there was emphasis on it is for my little sister, leaves and then come back up for a 3rd time, asks me some questions, leaves and on the fourth time he asked me to help pick out some jewlery for his momma! Kinda wierd but I went and he was so nervous! O, by the way he was so cute. He was really nervous though, he wasnt very confident in who he was. He was looking for me to affirm that and I didnt! If he would of said it I would maybe agree then but it was wierd. I met his dad, and they asked me to dinner with the family, yeah big red flag.......HELL NO! I dont even know this kid and you are wanting me to met and have dinner with the family already, you have got to be kidding right? So although in the beginning of our hanging out I had said that I had nothing to do, after about 20 minutes I told him that I had to met someone at 4:30 so I could leave and not hang out with a little boy, but at least he had balls to ask me out and he did tell me that I was beautiful. I do like that, I need to hear that, and I could never hear it enough. I am words of affirmation! So he tried to get me to call him and tell him if I wanted to go to dinner and I was like uuhhh no if you want me you can call me, that doesnt mean he will get me it just means you got to catch me b/c I am worth it. Have fun running! So anywho he just called me and asked if I was going to dinner, I said no I already had a dinner date(God forgive me for lying) which I am meeting a guy but just for coffee. And then he proceeded to tell me that the ball was in my court and it was my turn to call him, who does he think he is, telling me that! Freakin get a life, no wonder you dont have a girlfriend! uuuggghhhhh! anyways that was my day at work, it was pretty flattering though, he was really cute. well so much for looks, it really is about how you get along with someone! Man we just didnt mesh, in that little period of time it just wasnt workin. Well when it has been great before I guess you always look for that!

I want it so bad

Man I just want it so bad. More of God..........I want it sooooooooooooooo bad.

PAPA AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD YOU ARE GOOD, YOU ARE GOOD, YOU ARE GOOD, YOU ARE GOOD, YOU ARE GOOD!!!!!

In the midst of all things YOU are GOOD! You dont know how to be anything other than GOOD!!!

YOU ARE GOOD!!!!

God is GOOD!

This is really funny! I, me, Priscilla dont have anything to write about. I do actually but will wait for the appointed time that is right. My life is so much fun....have I ever told anyone that. I am glad that I am me...ok also I havent told this yet but I have two amazing testimonies!


1. I have been praying for a guitar for like years. And on friday a woman of God comes up to me and tells me that God told her to give me something. Now I have prayed for a really nice guitar, not a crappy one b/c i have had a crappy one before and it sucked. SO anyways, She gives me this guitar that is worth over 1200 dollars. How awesome is that. God is GOOD! All the time.

2. Last night my friend Vange's daughter who is 9 months old had a fever of 104.5 degrees. That is really high and really bad especially for a baby and she had it for about 3 days and wasnt breaking not even once. And last night when I called her sahara was moaning in pain and had been for hours and vange was getting worried b/c it was getting worse and I wanted to pray for her over the phone and vange put her little ears up to the phone and I prayed and she calmed right down slept thru the night and her fever broke and she is doing great. God healed her...How amazing is that! God is God and God is GOOD all the time. I love Him.


And that was me not having anything to write about.

much to chew on...

I have come to realize that change needs to happen, not b/c you get bored but because it will happen. Embracing change can be the most delightful thing we have ever done. The reason I am talking about change is because mine is changing even as we speak. My mind is changing even now as I write this. I am talking about the transformation of a renewed mind on a daily basis, I cannot stay in the same mindset. I have to consistently be willing to change whenever Papa wants me to, whenever there is revelation it will change you, your life style, the way you look at life. revelation is the tool to a renewed mind. The revelation of love and how it will effect your life. Have i ever told you that 1corinthians chapter 13 is my most favorite in the entire word. That everything is based on that, life is based on that...what is that? LOVE! I love, love. it is amazing how it changes people and there minds, how it is refreshing and beautiful and how it has so many layers to it. AAAAAHHHHHH I LOVE IT! I love the people in my life, I have much thanks to the people that have shaped who I have become and still becoming. Danny and Sheri, aahhhh my heart is so for them. I have so much love for them it is insane. I love them with a love that eternity seems to be to short for. I love them and they have helped me so much become who I am and to know who I want to be. Katieann, well need I say more. I just love her guts. The Mumby's I freakin love you guys so freakin much it is ridiculious. I am so glad that I am in your lives, even if just through blogspot.ok other peeps I love you to but my brain is on overload. It has been an intense three days and I am starting to feel the effects of it. I love you, if you are in my life, my heart has nothing but love for ya.....When I started to write this I had an entirely different intention then what I wrote. But anywho, gotta go.

this is to you

ok, my need to feel like I am really making up to you....I really mean it though! To one of the most amazing men of God I know. This person has the true character of God, Jesus, Holy Spirit. And he really cant disappoint me. Because my believing isnt nescesarily in him it is in the God in him and him wanting to please papa so much. So there, all those things I wrote about you, dont think they were true, I was just hurt. So it made them feel true. But I think you are truly one of the most amazing persons I have ever met and love your company and you are not boring. well...b/c I am not boring and could never be around boring people...or I would be bored and we know that doesnt work very well for me. It is just who you are, And this presents the perfect timing for me to write what I wanted to tell you....


You are amazing not b/c what you have or havent done, but just because you are you. There is hope in his goodness.There is life in knowing that God is good. He is really good and really faithful, He really really is!I feel like I am knowing this for the first time, its such a fresh revelation daily. He is GOOD, He is proud of you, He wants to know what do you want? what do you want? what does your heart tell you about life?, what is it scared of? what excites it? what is your heart saying.....listen to it? You dont have to be afraid! You are amazing b/c you are you, no other reason, not even b/c you love God, I mean yeah that makes you more amazing but, that isnt what got you amazing! I hope this isnt weirding you out, and I have said it before and here I go again, I just like who you are, not b/c of something you have or havent achieved, i just like being around you, your very presence, how you think and act, it is great! And I believe in who you are! I believe that you are a man who deserves honor and respect, a man of God with amazing character, integrity, a man of faith and a man who walks in love. A man truly after the Fathers heart, a man who looks and smells like Jesus. I believe that these characteristics just exsist in you and that isnt b/c you are trying your hardest but that is b/c this is how God made you, this is just who you are! No expectations, just be you, enjoy life, laugh alot, and have fun!

Goodness...

Goodness from the house of the Father, My God is good all the time! I experience his goodness all the time. I love the people he has put in my life. I often thank Him for the people that shape my life. I have a friend that is amazing, we have had some speed bumps in the road but we seem to get through them and then it is great. God has so much goodness for this friend and loves him beyond compare, he is not a disappointment and will never disappoint. This friend is loved so much and God wants to rock his world with freedom, maybe that is why we are friends. God said hey, he needs her in his life, she will bring freedom. Which I believe is one of the giftings I walk in! Really what I want him to know is that I know what friends means to me and I believe in him and will not let the enemy rob this friendship of so many good things to come. Of course he has to want it, and I want him to want if he wants it, not for it to be an obligation. I am not expecting anything, not even friendship, but the offer is there, if he wants to be friends, then I am a pretty amazing person to be friends with, if i do say so myself. And I can tolerate peoples crap, meaning, we can work through anything. It doesn't change my opinion of them, I still love them, just because I love THEM! Not for what they can do for me or bring to my life but just because I love. I love deep and I love all the way. The people in my life I have chosen to keep in my life just because I love who they are. So my invitation stands, I am here as a friend, to listen, laugh, be truthful, honor you, to stand in the gap for you when there is no strength left, to hold up your arms when you are weak, to believe for you when you can't, I am here as a friend just to love you. I geniunely love the people God has placed around me and love them deeply and that means you. Through the good, bad and the ugly. The good outweighs the bad by all means.

all of me
pris